So I finish my hell week at school/work and I'm so stoked to party and celebrate, but NOOOOOO, my effing immune system decided to shut down. So, I will probably not remember what this post says since I'm fairly certain there's a rabid wolverine clawing around my face, ripping out my eardrums, and shoving it's razorsharp claw down my throat and up my schnoz. I have a nasty. NASTY. bitch of a cold. And it hates me. And I hate it. It's war.
I'm a sick monster. My hair hurts.
I'm one of those people with a high pain tolerance, but when I get sick, I turn into a huge HUGE baby. I'm all, "I want my mom, wait no, I want juice, wait, no, I want sorbet for my throat, wait, no, I want tea, somebody pet my head, wait no, my hair hurts, wait, no, so do my eyelashes, wait no, someone snuggle me, I swear I'm not contagious, wait, no, you're getting too close, stop breathing on me, wait, no, come back, don't leave me alone, wait, no, bring me some ginger ale, wait, no, make sure it's DIET!" GET THE PICTURE??? I'M A HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS!So I've been writhing and moaning in my bed, watching Gossip Girl, listening to crybaby music and feeling sorry for myself, and going through Puffs Kleenex with lotion AND Vicks, and chugging juice and taking herbal supplements like crazy. I wouldn't be surprised if I sprouted roots. If I'm not better by this weekend, I will HURT someone. Srsly.
So, since I'm alllll kinds of cracked out, here's some stuff for your eyeballs.
Exhibit A: This is something my bestest besticle beefer sent me today, and something that I KNOW my kid will totally do someday, and I will give them A HIGH FIVE. Because it's awesome.
"another student made the comment 'you need to push it in further' (innocent comment) and Dalton added 'that's what she said".....WHATEVER, THE KID THAT SAID "YOU NEED TO PUSH IT IN FURTHER" WAS TOTES ASKING FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have never peed in my pants. Not even a little bit. I'm kind of pissed off (no pun intended) that this hasn't happened to me. I mean, I've fallen in sewers, been driven home in a tourbus at 3 am, and plenty of other awful/awesome stuff, but have NEVER peed in my pants. So I'm kind of lying every time I say "hoe em gee I just peed myself laughing so hard' because I NEVER HAVE. And I'm sad about that a little. Is that weird? Is it the drugz talking? MAYBE. Have you ever tinkled in your pantalones???? SPILL. not literally. but srsly. SPILL.
Jules Bear's waaaah-waaaah, cry me a river I'm sick and feeling pitiful playlist:
" I Can Feel A Hot One" Manchester Orchestra
"The Ice Is Getting Thinner" Death Cab For Cutie
"Pretty Boy Floyd" Kid Loco
"Velvet" The Big Pink