GRINCH TIME

OK, I'm feeling a little less grinchy. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I think that since I've had a few days off, all the stress from the past 2 months has started to melt away, but it's leaving in a way that makes my body ache, and makes me not want to get out of bed! Felt a little better today though, has that happened to y'all?

P.S. I think you should know I'm watching Toddlers & Tiaras while I'm writing this and am so horrified. There's a small boy with a rat tail the size of Montana and it's just freaky.

Question of the day..."Where is your Christmas tree???"

Cool...wanna know where mine is?????

IT'S LAYING ON MY FRONT DOOR. SOAKING WET.
SOMEONE IS PROBABLY GOING TO STEAL IT, OR A RACCOON IS GOING TO NEST IN THERE AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ANIMAL WHISPER IT OUT OF THERE.

dirty street corner tree...

So I bought the tree today, and the man at the place told me to give it a good hose down so it would be super fresh and watered.....Since I am an overachiever, I held up the tree in the front of the house (while my neighbor watched in fear), turned the hose on full blast, and sprayed that beotch down. And also managed to spray myself down....And since it was so soaked, I couldn't bring it inside....that was 4 hours ago....and now I'm too tired and warm and cozy to bring it out from the cold. So I totes just neglected my poor tree that was supposed to bring joy and Christmas cheer.....oopsies?

Has anyone's tree been misplaced? I better not wake up to a note from the HOA bitching about my unsightly tree....considering I already got a noise complaint ON THANKSGIVING AT 10 AM for playing my CHRISTMAS CAROLS too loud...I mean, people these days!!! SUPER GRINCHFACES.

Ok, American Horror Story is about to start, peace out homies. And don't come over and steal my tree!!

peacelove&sadtrees,
xox,





UMMM....PS THE EPISODE OF TODDLERS & TIARAS JUST ENDED AND RAT TAIL BOY JUST WON.....THE WORLD IS GOING TO END.

The Hypothetical Cats Are Out Of The Bag....

OK, so I guess we have an issue to address. Other than the fact that I will not be blogging till next week because I am supposed to be writing a term paper right now, and I have 2 more to write. GROSS. 

On my last blog post, SOMEONE (an anonymous commenter) asked me the following:

Random question...are you part Asian?

Your pictures look like you might be and with the names of your dogs I thought I'd ask!

NOW: I have my theories as to who this "anonymous commenter" was. First of all, I have never shown my real face on the blog. Why does this make you think I'm Asian? Was it the Mermaid Locks? Usually one can see Asian-ness in the eye area, and I haven't shown this. So riddle me this, "anonymous blogger", had my dog been named "Bratwurst" or "Weinerschnitzel" would you think I was German? Austrian? What if I just like Japanese names? I'm not pissed, in fact I find this hysterical. But to answer your question, no, I'm not Asian. But thanks for asking. Sushi and Shinko are just fun to say and the actual breed of dog (shih-tzu) IS ASIAN. So yes, MY DOG IS ASIAN. 

Next issue:

MY DOG IS NOT ONLY ASIAN, BUT SHE IS A CAT. Yeah. You read that right. And I have proof. First of all, she licks her paws like a cat, she is also sneaky like a NINJA, and very...catlike in general. She is also OBSESSED with cats, and cats are OBSESSED with her. Here's the proof. I look up from paper writing and I see this:

DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK THIS IS EFFING WEIRD? Do you see the BRIGHT LIGHTS coming from the cat's eyes??? It's JEDI MIND TRICKING MY POOR NUGGET OF LOVE. They are literally making love through their eyes. I'm pretty sure that's ILLEGAL. They sat like that for LIT-RILLY 10 MINUTES. TEN WHOLE MINUTES MAKING EYE LOVE. 

In other nooz...there is no other news, other than HAPPY CINCO DE MARGARITAS  MAYO. 

peaceloveandcatdogaction,
lovelovelove,

**DISCLAIMER** NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS BLOG POST. So don't get all PETA in my grill. 

BIG Nooz and Roolz...Jules Bear Style....

Are you confuzzled? Because I spelled Nooze and Roolz instead of News and Rules? Well, I like to mis-spell things. It makes me feel dangerous. I won spelling bees like it was my JOB way back, and I'm kind of a freakishly good speller, so when I purposely mis-spell things, I feel dangerous. REAL dangerous. 

Moving on. 

I'z got some NOOZ for you! (See!? I did it again...danger is my middle name...)

NOOZ:

1. YESTERDAY I OFFICIALLY PASSED MY GRADUATE COMPREHENSIVE EXAM! this means I get to GRADJOOATE! (graduate)!!!!!!!!!!! Now I just have three term papers and a presentation left. Piece of cake. kinda. not really. effffff.

2. MY BESTICLE/BEEFER/TROLL PRINCESS PARTNER IN CRIME is coming to visit me for my graduation!!!! She gets here May 13th! For those of you who don't know her, she's the one involved in THIS STORY.  We're basically going to have LOTZ OF FUN.

3. I was running again on my nature trail thingie, and I saw a BLACK SQUIRREL. HOLY AWESOMENESS. I had never seen one. It was like I saw a Unicorn or something. Srsly. Of course I stopped. Of course. Not weird. AT ALL. 

Ok so onto the "ROOLZ": 

I decided to create a new blog topic titled "ROOLZ". These ROOLZ are just me going on about how I think things should be. So here we go. 

1. Everyone should pass an IQ test in addition to the Driver's test. There are WAY TOO MANY idiots on the road, and they all seem to gravitate towards my general direction. Which leads to my road rage. No me gusta. 

2. There should be a real live fashion police. How awesome would  that be? Seriously. Think about it. 

3. People who don't know how to properly sneeze or cough should be punished. By being sneezed or coughed on. Seriously people. COVER YOUR MOUTH.

4. There should be "Manners class" in elementary or middle school just like "Grammar" or "Home Economics". Kids will learn to say please, thank you, excuse me, pardon me, and learn how to shake hands. Because we all know there is NOTHING WORSE than a LIMP HANDSHAKE. Blechhhh. I just cringed. 

In other NOOZ, I will be working on my music blog soon, but in the meantime, fill your ears with this magic!

"Who's Afraid of Detroit?"- Claude Vonstroke

"Say Yeah"- Wiz Khalifa

"Accidental Babies" -Damien Rice

"I Only Wear Blue" - Dr. Dog

"We Own the Sky"- M83

peaceloveblacksquirrelsandbaddrivers, 

lovelovelove, 

Reason #934875398 Why I'm Regina George, but it's ok because it cancels out...

K, so member how I told you I'm pretty much Regina George's twin but not blonde? So I had another Regina moment in class yesterday. There I was, minding my own business, when a classmate started flipping out about the class computer not working and she had to present. So, me being a good person volunteered my laptop for her to use in class. (This was more of a Cady Heron sweet innocent moment, not Regina)...

This was a BIG sacrifice, because I fully intended on using these class hours to read your blogs and play catch up. Fast forward to the end of class, where I get my laptop back and am happily blogging away. I look over. Girl who borrowed my laptop pulls a bottle of "Lubriderm" intensive healing lotion out of her backpack. NO big. I figure she's a fan of moisturizing...in class..weird but not superweird. THEN I SAW IT. She was rubbing lotion on a HUGE HUGE BUMPY RED RASH ON HER HANDS AND ARMS. THE SAME HANDS AND ARMS THAT WERE JUST TOUCHING MY LAPTOP. WHAT THE EFFING EFF.

It was taking EVERYTHING inside of me not to yak, cry, and start flailing my arms hysterically and screaming "OH SICK, OH THIS IS EFFING SICK, HOE EM EFFING GEE NOW I'M GOING TO CATCH EBOLA OR WHATEVER AVIAN FLU GERMS THIS TRICK JUST INFECTED ONTO MY LAPTOP, WHERE IS THE PURELL??! I NEED A GAS MASK. HOE EM GEE WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE, WHAT IF THIS IS FLESH EATING BACTERIA!!!!!!!". I frantically paw through my bag looking for my germ gel, empty half of it onto my hands and arms, all while MAJORLY staring and stink eye-ing rash girl, and then shut my computer off, closed it and PRAYED that my germ gel would kill the rash bugs DEAD. I'm HIGHLY considering taking some foot cream to her next week and saying "this really helps rashes"...or maybe some super strong acid that will burn flesh off...because no one messes with my skin. NO ONE. DOUBLE YOU TEA EFF SKIN RASHES.

MOVING ON. 

My Regina George-ness was later cancelled out by the fact that I am a super human animal whisperer/PETA should hire me to be the animal ambassador or something like that. K so here's the lowdown. I was running yesterday, and I run on this like nature trail thing. It's rillly pretty and relaxing and awesome. So, I'm finishing up my run, when lo and behold, I see a moving object in the grass right by my foot. What was it!? It was this. 

CUTEST MINI-BUNNY IN.THE.WORLD.EVER.SRSLY.EVERRRRR.

Hold the phone. This is THE CUTEST thing I have EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. So what does Jules-Bear AKA expert animal whisperer do?! I squat on the trail, and whisper to bunny. Bunny DID NOT run away, bunny hopped over to my feet, looked up at me, nibbled some clover, and we spoke bunny LOVE to each other for like ten minutes. I'm serious. People kept stopping, thinking I was hurt or dying of a cramp, only to notice my expertise in animal whispering and would gasp in amazement that bun-bun was hanging out with me, not scared AT ALL. I was so so so pissed that I don't run with my phone, and I SERIOUSLY considered putting bun-bun in my shirt and taking it home, but I remembered that bunnies have heart attacks really easily and I DID NOT want bad animal karma and bunny blood on my hands. So, me and bun-bun parted ways, and I finished my run. CAN I GET A WITNESS!? THE END. But see how my animal kindness cancels out my Regina-ness? It totes does. 

until tomorrow,  peacelove&tinybunnies&prayingidon'thaveebola/avianflu/flesheatingbacteria

lovelovelove, 

Double You Tea Eff Wednesday and a Greek Morsel

I've been bad at Double You Tea Eff Wednesday. Sooo, here ya go!

• It "slushed" in Houston yesterday. Not snow. Not rain. Slush. And the only Slush that I like involves Tequila, Lime Juice, Salt, and is green: all other Slush is evil. Especially when it falls from the sky onto my head. WTF Weather!?!
• I went to the bathroom to wash my hands (because I'm convinced the entire campus of my university is germ-infested) and someone was in the stall GRUNTING, CLEARLY CONSTIPATED and taking a very.very. noisy poodle. I didn't know whether to yak, burst into tears,  burst into laughter or a random combination of the three. AND she had her backpack on the ground of the stall which is DIR.TY. WTF ultimate disgustingness!? Take your toilet issues elsewhere honey. And go ahead and toss that backpack. 

And now for a mini sorority story. 

One time, during rush, this girl's family sent us a HUGE sheet cake with her name on it, so we wouldn't forget to put her on our bid list.(Super creepy.) Clearly her family was trying to sabotage our waistlines and give us muffin tops, so guess what?! CUT. (Just kidding...but she didn't end up being in our sorority. Lord know what else they might have sent? Kalteen bars!? If you can name the movie that's from I will kiss you on the face.) This is just an example of how crazy certain moms/families can get when they want their daughter in a certain house. TOTALLY.CRAY.CRAY.

The cake was literally 2 feet long. I kid you NOT. And it was conveniently in our sorority colors, complete with our sorority flower as decoration. Can you say CRAY CRAY?!

PEE.ESS. I was walking into the office this morning, and I'm not pulling your leg when I tell you that an adorable squirrel was standing at the doors, trying to get in. He was so freaking cute! He stood there, looked at me like "Umm...this is where you open up and let me in" and I was all "awww, you wanna go inside sweet baby!?!?" And then I looked and there was someone behind me who heard me. I think I turned purple. But I'm an animal whisperer, so I whispered the squirrel away. Poor thing was probz freezing its bushy little tail off. Now someone in my building will see me as the "crazy chick who talks to squirrels" and I don't care. CAN I GET A WITNESS?!

lovelovelove, 

Jules.

Something You Should Know....

Lovahs, 


Those of you that know me know that I am a very honest person. Brutally honest at times, and sometimes this gets me in a pickle. HOWEVER. I feel I haven't been completely honest with you guys/gals. While it is hard to get to know someone via the blogosphere, there's a part of me you should know about. And here it is. 


I am part Chihuahua. 


Umm....Yeah. MAYJAH news for you to take in, but it's time you knew. Before I was corrupted by that beotch in science class in 4th grade, I was CONVINCED 100% that I was part wolf and humans and animals could co-exist in the same body. I am an animal whisperer of sorts, so I thought it was only natural that I be a part of the animal kingdom. I used to have a Chihuahua named "Bubba" and we were kind of like soulmates (Don't worry Carissa, you're still soultwin numero uno). Ok so all of the following info is TRUE because it's from Wikipedia (baha my professors would choke and die if they read that!)


WHY JULIE IS PART CHIHUAHUA (brought to you by the folks at wiki):

•  The Chihuahua’s history is a puzzling one as there are many theories surrounding their true origin. (I'm very mysterious, so I've been told. PLUS I have a diverse background.)
• The Chihuahua was used in sacred rituals as they were considered holy to Pre-Colombian Indian nations. They were also popular pets to the upper class. (I mean this is just obvious. I'm kind of a big deal.)
• Long-haired Chihuahuas are actually smoother to the touch, having soft, fine guard hairs and a downy undercoat, which gives them their fluffy appearance. (I have long hair and many people have told me it's super soft, and the  fluffiness is because of the static in the air)
• The AKC describes the breed as, "A graceful, alert, swift-moving little dog with saucy expression, compact, and with terrier-like qualities of temperament." (DUH. If I had a nickel for every time someone called me "saucy" and "swift moving"...) The breed tends to be fiercely loyal to one particular owner, but may be attached to more. (Basically, I got yo' back! And I'm not a lyin' cheetah!) They do not always get along with other breeds.(Oopsies.)
• ^{tendency to bite when frightened. (I'm a huge scaredy cat and I will bite, kick, scream if I have to! IN other words...FIERCE)}
• ^{Chihuahuas can also be at risk for hypoglycemia, or low blood sugar. (Sucks, but true!)}
• ^{Chihuahuas are sometimes picky eaters, and care must be taken to provide them with adequate nutrition. (Ask anyone who knows me....)}
• ^{Unfortunately, this breed doesn’t naturally handle cold weather well. There are a couple of different reasons for this, but the main reason comes from their history. The Chihuahua breed originated from the hot climate of Chihuahua, Mexico. In this hot climate, Chihuahuas didn’t need to deal with the cold. (NOW you understand all those posts I've been writing about HATING the miz cold! Plus I'm part Mexican, so it just furthers my point.}

Aaaand, we might bear a strong resemblance to each other. I'm just sayin'.....

Has anyone ever told you that you look like an animal?!

Pee. Ess: Random Sidenote: I'm so embarrassed about the fact that Enrique Iglesias randomly came on my ipod this morning on the way to work...and I didn't skip it. I DANCED. And I flippin' love Taylor Swift. And Miley. Bite Me. Or I'll bite you since I'm a Chihuahua....


PEE PEE ESS. I'm not yappy. I swearz. The only time I'd consider myself yappy is when I was in college during sorority rush. But that wasn't real life. Obvi.

I'm Just Going To Admit That I'm Openly JEALOUS...and I Love Muzak.

Hey Kids,

So last night I was feelin' groovy, had a good workout, made din, watched the State of the Union (aka read W mag and looked up and yelled at the TV like I knew what I was talking about every so often....there may have been some fist pumping or birdie flipping involved...I don't speak politics. ahem). THEN, I was catching up on some blog reading (shout out to CARISSA who MADE me stay awake to piss myself laughing at her post...yea I'm talkin' to YOU), sippin' on my chamomile tea, when my blood stopped cold in my veins. My girl crush is in lurve. Remember HER!? Well, apparently she's all up in this Johannes Huebl's grill. And yes, I'm jealous. He's hawt, and they're hawt together. Jealous. Here's the YouTube of them being all cute. I'm happy for them. She needs to be in lurve to remove the stick she has up her arse. Love you Liv. Love your boyfriend too....(yes, that was passive aggressive...a bit)

so freakin' adorable.sigh.

In other noticias. (Putting that Master's in Spanish Lit to use! Noticias=news) I'm crafting my Coachella post. I have a free flight on Southwest, and I have a place to stay...so all I need is my ticket. Does anyone know if they sell out fast? All I know is that I will be like a thirteen year old at a JoBros concert if I get to go. You have NO idea. NONE.

In more musical news. You NEED to hear this song. It's amazing. Like holyholyguacamole amazing. I've put the music vid below, so you lazies don't even have to leave my page. You're WELCOME. Tell me that song doesn't kick some serious bootay. "Whatever You Like" by Anya Marina....this may be another musical girl crush. 

K so some of you guys asked about my pup, since I mentioned her yesterday in my post when she was playing Jedi mind tricks on me to go back to bed despite my uber nosh-ness. There is a pic of her HERE in a previous post, and for you lazies who don't want to click, I will post some below! She is an imperial Shih-Tzu and her name is Sushi. She also goes by: Nug, Nugget, Nugtron, Nugtrola, Nugtronimous, Nuggets, Chunky Nugget, Chunky Monkey, Chunky Chicken, Chunkers, Pumpkin, Lover Bear, Bear, Punky Monkey....the list goes on..and yes she loves it, but I'm surprised she doesn't have an eating disorder since I'm basically calling her fat all the time...So here she is...the perfect pup.

I caught her snoozing in my faux fur throw...presh.

                                         Christmas pup. See those jedi mind trick eyes!?

I gave myself cat-woman glasses bc I have commitment issues and don't wanna show my face just yet. Weird. I know. Deal with it. Her ears were rilllllly long here.

My friends say she looks like a gremlin, or an ewok...and then I give them Jedi mind trick eyes and freeze their souls. Because she's way effing cuter than that. damnit.

Chanson Du Jour:

Anything by Anya Marina

The album "Lady Croissant" by Sia. Especially the tracks titled "Breathe Me" "Lentil" and "Blow it All Away"

"Ragoo" Kings of Leon

"Rockets" Sanders Bohlke

"Whatever it is" Zac Brown Band...this song makes my heart barf out puffy clouds and rainbows. puke I know..but it's pretty stinkin' cute. 

Now go to www.lala.com and do your homework!!!! Stay tuned for my Coachella post!

Today, on campus, I saw a pack of Jehovah's Witnesses walking in my direction, and I knew they were going to stop me and give me a Bible, and since I already have a small stash of these mini-Bibles....I kind of ran away....Can I Get A Witness?

Double You Tea Eff Wednesday

It's 2 am. I'm not asleep. I'm not happy about this. I had SUCH a productive day: got a mani, went to the bank, ran some errands, went to class, went to the gym, cooked din, showered, cleaned (cleaning=cleaning while having a personal dance party), and was SO pumped to be in bed by 10 because I have a long day tomorrow. 

I get in bed, pull on my night shades, no big...THEN....I started sweating...like awkwardly hot, rrrrrrrilly hot out of nowhere....THEN I got nosh. Like, not '"Oh this might be slight indigestion" nosh, but like, "where is the nearest receptacle so I can yak in it" nosh. (Nosh=nauseous). For those of you who don't know, I am PETRIFIED of yakking. Like, I will literally cry and hyperventilate. It's weird, but I cannot stand the mere thought of puke. I swear I thought I was preggers for a sec, then realized unless this was the Immaculate Conception, I had nothing to worry about. (TMI?....probs). So here goes Wednesday's post.

P.S. as we speak, my puppy is giving me the "bitch, go back to bed, your typing is keeping me awake" look, and she keeps putting her paw on my arm so as if to say, "I'M SERIOUS WITH THIS SHIT"....(I'm an animal whisperer...I'll tell you more later) and I'm giving her the "bitch (literally) don't you know I'd love to be asleep right now, but I've got a case of the rilllllly bad nosh and need to trick my brain into feeling better, so don't look at me with your cute furry face" look. And now for Double You Tea Eff Wednesday,  uber nosh style

• My body currently hates me and is trying to make me yak. WTF body?! 
• I went ahead and got the Droid, and I love it, but I secretly miss my blackberry and MIGHT switch back if I can't figure this phone out... WTF indecisiveness!?
• There is a certain situation that is bugging the eff out of me this week, and I can't fix it because it involves another person who isn't trying to fix it. WTF life?!
• My puppy is so freaking adorable I can't stand it....WTF that was random
• It REALLY needs to start getting hot out so I can lay by the pool, because I'm nearing translucence (Edward Cullen style) and I'm too broke to go to the tanning bed, slash I'm quitting the tanning bed. WTF winter?!

So, I've been cataloging and mentally recording "Can I Get A Witness" moments on campus, when I came across the MOTHERLOAD. I went to the gym. I mean it was ridic. It was like fishing with dynamite. For realz. I can't even write them all because it'd take too long and you'd skim this post, and then I'd have to hurt you, and because my nosh-ness is fading and turning into post-nosh tiredness...  I digress. THEREFORE, I commence:

• At the gym, there was a girl working out with her hair down, 'styled' ( I use the term loosely bc while SHE might've thought it was 'done' it looked more like a cat had used her head as a scratching post) and blue eyeshadow covering her ENTIRE eye lid, like this chick. Can I Get A Witness?

Srsly. It was this bad, but worse. 

• A girl at the gym was working out in a sports bra that was 9 sizes too small, and zebra print leggings. zebra print. leggings. Holy unflattering-ness. Can I Get A Witness?
• Another girl was wearing lemon yellow bootie shorts and a really tight white top. No big right? Ohhhh no, but the shorts were see-through, I could almost see her "hoo-ha", and she was doing these really creepy 'stretches' that looked like they belonged on stage at a place called "The Men's Club" and all the while, she's staring at herself in the mirror giving these seductive gazes....Can I Get A Witness?????

I think the worst of the nosh is over, though I'm still super weirded out as to WHY IN THE HELL it happened in the first place. Plus I'm pretty sure my puppy is going to kill me in my sleep if I don't stop typing soon (We blog in bed when we're at home...we=me+pup). 

Musique Du Jour:

GO LOOK AT THE 2010 COACHELLA LINE-UP AND GASP BECAUSE PRETTY MUCH ALL OF MY FAVORITE BANDS ARE PLAYING, and if you don't know any of them, IMMEDIATELY go to www.lala.com and START GETTING TO KNOW THEM. I will dedicate an entire post later on about Coachella because it's THAT amazing. Word. 

lovelovelove,

the super nosh chick who is getting stink eyed by her pup




Pee Ess:


I got my 5 year diary in the mail from Jaeve+Things, and I'm in lurve with it! Everyone needs one! Here's a pic of the journal, plus a little note I wrote to paste in the front...it's kinda cheesy, but I guess I was in a cheesy mood. Holla.