Lovahs....
Again, I'm so super sorry for leaving you in the dark lately! I've gotten some sweet emails and comments and I can assure you everything is just peachy!
I just got back from a marathon weekend in Austin, and I swear my body was having flashbacks to college because we made 7am our bedtime almost every night....ouch. But so so worth it. Plenty of tales to come. Like the time I told some random guido he looked like the guy from the Shakeweight commercial.....yeah.
So the last post was surely confusing for you all, and that's totes understandable! I'm not going to elaborate on it because it's kinda personal and we all know how I'm not so good with mushy emotional things, capiche? However, all I will say is that it resolved an issue that has plagued and pained me for a few years now, and I feel better about some things that happened in the past. Although I know the past isn't where I should be living....but still.
In light of moving on and growing up, I'm going to share with you a piece I wrote for a website a few years ago. It never got published because the company went under, but I really enjoyed writing it. I wrote it four years ago, right after the most painful heartbreak anyone could ask for. SO that's as emo as I'll get on here...Yes, I have had a terrible heartbreak...Yes, I survived. So I hope you enjoy it! Let me know what you think!
The Breakup: Up close and personal with the nasty deed
So you got dumped, or you were the dumper, hell it could’ve been the “mutual” thing; for what it’s worth....it’s OVER. No ifs ands or buts, it’s done, gone to the trash, you’re single and so are they. What the hell to do now? If you’re anything like the typical human being (cold, heartless man/woman eaters to the side), you’ll sit down for about a month or two and torture yourself and all those around you by listening to every sad song, going to your “favorite restaurants” and mentioning your ex-significant other in every other conversation. You’ll also read every note, go over every conversation, and over-analyze the life out of every possible aspect of your already DONE AND OVER WITH relationship. I’ve gone through this process recently and to save all of you the time and emotional gut twisting roller coaster of a break up, I’ve come to a couple of very important conclusions...
DISCLAIMER: The forthcoming advice is applicable to all who chose to adhere. Take it at your own risk, your life will not become instantly happier, your ex will not come crawling back nor will they come down with an exotic un-curable disease. These words are meant to help you. As with all breakups they vary in severity, the author is well aware that “he/she might have been the one”. But at this rate, they are being “the one” that is probably out having a better time than you are, so you might as well start doing the same thing.
1. You must accept the fact that it’s over. Even if there IS a flickering hope that there will be a re-kindling of the relationship you can’t hold on forever. If you’re going to get back together, it’ll happen, rain or shine. If you believe in fate, this will be easy for you, whatever it may be that you do/do not believe in, order will restore itself whether or not he/she is in the picture.
2. Stalking is usually illegal... don’t take the risk of getting caught doing it, plus it’ll just make you feel worse, and they’ll think you’re psycho which ruins the chances of ever speaking to them again.
3. If you so happen to be on speaking terms, keep it friendly, start out with small-talk and don’t bust out with serious sob-worthy dissertation length speeches about “what happened to us?” Keep it light and friendly at first, and then if the time and mood is right, you can usually let your guard down and talk about any lingering issues in a civilized manner. (Bold and italicized statements are meant to be strongly emphasized.)
4. Avoid “rebounding”. Leave that to the basketball players. It can make you look uber desperate and it can be disrespectful to the other person. What I mean is, you might be making them feel like everything you ever had was completely meaningless and you’re just rubbing it in their face. Avoid rubbing things in their face. It may be tempting, but be the bigger person; it always pays off even though it doesn’t feel like it at the time.
5. Avoid rebounding within the ex’s circle of friends (i.e. trying to go through the entirety of his/her pledge class) word gets around fast and you don’t want to look like an idiot or a walking STD.
6. Don’t ask don’t tell. Don’t go prying into their personal details (see number 2). Don’t try to find out who they’re hanging out with or hooking up with. Don’t reveal your personal life either, if you’ve ever played telephone in a large group of people you’ll understand how one simple phrase can be grossly misconstrued (especially when everyone is at a loud party with a couple drinks coursing through their bloodstream.) If they want to tell you about it, let them tell you. If they’re not telling you it’s for a reason.
7. Don’t burn bridges. Acting brashly and lashing out at the ex or their friends can have some nasty repercussions. Stay calm and cool, don’t trash talk. It sounds bitter and nasty and it only fuels the fire. Don’t be rude to people who are associated with the ex. You and the ex are the ones who broke up, no one else had anything to do with it and let’s keep it that way.
8. Keep memories sweet. You both know you had some really great times and some amazing memories, keep them. Don’t let the past poison your future, it’s ok to crack a smile if you remember the time he/she did something absolutely heart melting for you. You don’t have feel like you have mad cow every time you think of them. Keep the memories right where they are and move on, make better ones.
9. Get out there, if you read number 4, you’ll know what NOT to do. Just because you’re newly single doesn’t mean you have to immediately start dating. All those times you secretly were envious of your single friends are no more. Go have fun, crack yourself up, forget about “spitting your game”, or “pulling some wool”. Great things happen when you least expect them. Go do what YOU want to do, surround yourself with great friends and good times.
10. Lastly and very importantly. You’re likely still in college. Your biological clock is not ticking that desperately yet. Stop pursuing your Mrs./Mr. Degree and focus on yourself. Don’t take it to an extreme and become an antisocial hermit, but enjoy your youth. You are on the road to finding the right person, you need some trial runs before the real thing. Put it this way, you’re one trial run down, admit that it was fun and try another! (Remember the walking STD part). You’re in college, there are oodles of options, try things you never would’ve tried. You won’t know you like something until you try it. Stop riding the pine and get back on the playing field.
Hopefully you’ve put down the pint of haagen daaz, turned off “The Notebook” and are well on your way to getting ready for a night of painting the town red. Let the future happen, worry about right now and being happy right now. You can worry about tomorrow when it gets here, and it will work itself out. In the words of the Semi Sonics “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” Make lots of great beginnings and let the endings make you better, not bitter.
peaceloveandnewbeginnings,
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