Friday, February 19, 2010

Dear Climate,

Dear Weather Patterns in Houston, TX, 

Was it something I said? Did you see too much of my skin last summer? Did I get too clingy? Did you not like my fierce new bandeau top for minimal tan lines? Was it the hours and hours I spent lying on a towel blaring music? Was it the handle of sweet tea vodka I shared with friends under you? Or are you being the typical "look I really like you, like a lot, but I just don't know if I can handle something so serious right now?" (Even though that's secretly how I am too...) I don't understand what you're doing. Quit playing games. You know I don't like playing games (unless they involve flip cup, beer pong, circle of death or one, two, three DRINK!) 

Me and Lilo are poolside BFF's and we NEED OUR SUNSHINE.

I'm going to be real with you. I CAN'T live without you any longer. My inner chihuahua is slowly dying and withering away, and my skin is now entering PHASE 2 of plant death (that's really really bad). Kiehl's ultra moisturizer isn't even cutting it anymore. I need some tan. I need that "glow". Because without you, I don't look the same. And then the Volturi will be on my ass and I just don't need that! Do you understand me? I'm SO OVER sparkly diamond pale skin!!!!

that is true, except I'm the captain of the super pale team...NOT OK. Whoever said "pale is in" is engaging in a BOLD FACED LIE.

I need you to pull me out of this "funk". I just found out I can't go to COACHELLA (inner sob) and the next two weeks are going to be pure, unadulterated HELL ON EARTH (no, not KELL on earth, because that would be AMAZING). If you don't give me that "glow" soon, I'll never get out of my animal print pj's....I'll never rock the cute side braid with my cute tan. I'll never wear a flowy maxi dress. I need you to help me get ready for JAZZFEST in NEW ORLEANS because I found out that I CAN go to that. So I guess God closed one door, and opened a big-ass window for me. But for the love of my epidermis and my mental stability, PLEASE GET HOT AND SUNNY so I can return to my normal half-chihuahua self. I'm on my knees here. (That's what she said.....)

I am a pale chihuahua, and I am shy because of my pale-ness. HELP!

Musique Du Jour:
The self-titled album by "The Magic Numbers"
"Your Smile" Josh Turner
The album "The Golden Archipelago" by Shearwater
"Madly" Tristan Pettyman

PEE ESS: The WORST DATE EVER text messaged me and asked me out AGAIN. Is this a JOKE? He said "I promise I'll behave." THIS IS A JOKE. ASHTON, I'M NOT KIDDING, JUST GET THE CAMERAS OUT NOW. I'M DONE BEING PUNK'D HERE. For srs. CAN I GET A WITNESS?!


  1. What is it with you and "Lilo". We need to get you a better role-model for the love of freckly fun-bags.

    Pee S. You should go out with homeboy again . . . . not so much for your own enjoyment, but for ours.

  2. You MUST accept the date. I insist. Just think of the blog post. But this time, you have to be as bitchy as possible to see how he'll react. Try to push him over the edge. Oh the fun!

    And I realize I have been out of the dating scene for about 12 years now, but do people really ask each other out now via text message?!?!?! yuck.

  3. MMMM....sweet tea vodka. The best!

  4. Dude the dog pig and the discription... epic.

  5. When you are fifty your pale skin will thank you!

  6. Ah! A woman after my own heart. Welcome to my Minnesota-based world. I raise a pale arm in salute!


  7. Go get a light spray tan... You'll be surprised at how much it helps. I'm SUPA pale, as is The Kid. So I get a spray tan prior to any major event. Weddings, big nights out... It helps.

    Just be sure to exfoliate deeply PRIOR to getting the spray tan. It helps it not get too dark on knees, feet, hands, elbows, etc.

  8. I need sun too! But I'm not likely to get some until AT LEAST April (which is usually about the time we get a random heatwave in Glasgow and usually the closest we get to a "summer" season). Luckily I'm off to Zante in May but I WOULD Like a tan first. Hmmm. Don't see THAT Happening...

  9. EHHH I'm sorry you can't go to Coachella! But wowsa on Jazz Fest! That should be a blast!. I'm right there with you. I've lost all my mexican-ness. I'm not even pale, I'm down right clear! People have been asking me if I'm not well because I had to give up the tanning bed this year due to poorness. And I am moving out of my house that has a pool so now I HAVE NOT A CLUE what to do when the sun DOES come out!!!

  10. omg i am soooo pale! i need help! haha

    great post!

  11. No Coachella?! :(
    I feels ya on the weather- I think the sun actually made his presence known yesterday, but I was sick, on the couch, stuck inside all day. Go figure.

  12. Aveeno sunless tanner baby. It gives you a gorgeous glow, maybe you can trick yourself into feeling the sun. Ah ha

  13. i'm starting to look vampire pale too. just the other day i had to bust out the self tanner which is a clear sign that i've reached my breaking point.

  14. Thanks for stopping by my blog! Glad you enjoyed. I am sooo missing the sun too. Maryland has received a stupid amount of snow this year and another 5 inches is predicted tonight.

    I too discovered Tea Vodka last year. I'll be a witness.


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