Dear Weather Patterns in Houston, TX,
Was it something I said? Did you see too much of my skin last summer? Did I get too clingy? Did you not like my fierce new bandeau top for minimal tan lines? Was it the hours and hours I spent lying on a towel blaring music? Was it the handle of sweet tea vodka I shared with friends under you? Or are you being the typical "look I really like you, like a lot, but I just don't know if I can handle something so serious right now?" (Even though that's secretly how I am too...) I don't understand what you're doing. Quit playing games. You know I don't like playing games (unless they involve flip cup, beer pong, circle of death or one, two, three DRINK!)
Me and Lilo are poolside BFF's and we NEED OUR SUNSHINE.
I'm going to be real with you. I CAN'T live without you any longer. My inner chihuahua is slowly dying and withering away, and my skin is now entering PHASE 2 of plant death (that's really really bad). Kiehl's ultra moisturizer isn't even cutting it anymore. I need some tan. I need that "glow". Because without you, I don't look the same. And then the Volturi will be on my ass and I just don't need that! Do you understand me? I'm SO OVER sparkly diamond pale skin!!!!
that is true, except I'm the captain of the super pale team...NOT OK. Whoever said "pale is in" is engaging in a BOLD FACED LIE.
I need you to pull me out of this "funk". I just found out I can't go to COACHELLA (inner sob) and the next two weeks are going to be pure, unadulterated HELL ON EARTH (no, not KELL on earth, because that would be AMAZING). If you don't give me that "glow" soon, I'll never get out of my animal print pj's....I'll never rock the cute side braid with my cute tan. I'll never wear a flowy maxi dress. I need you to help me get ready for JAZZFEST in NEW ORLEANS because I found out that I CAN go to that. So I guess God closed one door, and opened a big-ass window for me. But for the love of my epidermis and my mental stability, PLEASE GET HOT AND SUNNY so I can return to my normal half-chihuahua self. I'm on my knees here. (That's what she said.....)
I am a pale chihuahua, and I am shy because of my pale-ness. HELP!
Musique Du Jour:
The self-titled album by "The Magic Numbers"
"Your Smile" Josh Turner
The album "The Golden Archipelago" by Shearwater
"Madly" Tristan Pettyman
PEE ESS: The WORST DATE EVER text messaged me and asked me out AGAIN. Is this a JOKE? He said "I promise I'll behave." THIS IS A JOKE. ASHTON, I'M NOT KIDDING, JUST GET THE CAMERAS OUT NOW. I'M DONE BEING PUNK'D HERE. For srs. CAN I GET A WITNESS?!