Just When I Was Sure It Couldn't Get Worse....

I don't know about you guys, but Houston has a little problem. I refer to it as the attack of the douchengoyles. (Thank you Carissa). You're all like, huh? Ok, so the douchengoyle: a definition...

• Wears more hair gel than I have ever applied to my head, INCLUDING 4th grade dance recitals. 

• Wears more rhinestones than a Judith Leiber clutch.

• Makes less money than I do and acts like he's BFF with P.Diddy and the Donald. 

• Drinks shots of Patron and lots of Jager Bombs, probably only drinks "Michelob Ultra" too. 
• WEARS ED HARDY. I don't think you understand how much I hate Ed Hardy. Monday, when I was watching Real Housewives of New Jersey, I almost jumped through the television and RIPPED OFF poor Jacqueline's little baby boy's outfit because she has him on the fast track to douchengoyle-dom, and NO I don't care that it's Jersey, it's just NOT OK. I HATE ED HARDY. WHAT'S THE POINT? 
• Honestly. What is the point? It costs more than a nice, sensible, and very sexy simple Polo or Lacoste shirt, and HAS GLITTERY SHIT AND DAGGERS AND LIONS AND TIGERS AND ROSES ON IT. It's like Lisa Frank took acid and went apeshit and sold her designs to this Christian Audigier character. (No disrespect Lisa...you made my elementary school days SO much brighter, sparklier, unicornier, and ponier)

but then she took acid and made Ed Hardy his millions.

AND NOW, I HAVE BEEN MADE PAINFULLY AWARE THAT MR. AUDIGIER HIMSELF has released THESE. Read the full article HERE. This is some really REALLY BAD NOOZ.

EXCUSE ME, BUT I DO NOT WANT A MENTAL IMAGE OF DOUCHENGOYLES BONING DOUCHEN-GOYLE-ETTES, or SLORES as I like to refer to trashbag women. I swear, you should see some of the people here. It's like they live underground during the day in the sewers, and then at night, they crawl out all slimy and glittery and sparkly in their nasty sparkly gear. GROSS. AT LEAST THESE WILL PREVENT THEM FROM PROCREATING. Ugh. 

Moving on. Wish my male beefer happy travels on his way to visit my beefiestbeefer, and hopefully they don't have to call me for advice on where to find one of these "Monsieur Bond" gems. Oy vey. LOVE YOU GUYS. 

bahahahah

peaveloveandedhardysucks,

lovelovelove, 

A Is For Art

Soooo....My homeskillet Cher over at "The Only Girl" really liked my Doodle from a couple days ago, so I told her I'd doodle for her! So here it is...

It's prettier in big form, Cher, I'll e-mail all the copies to you!

So it's Double You Tea Eff Wednesday:

• It's finally warmer here in Houston (yaythankthesweetsweetlord) but it's raining...WTF weather!?
• I really. really. really. need to have a job come May. Srsly. WTF miz miz economy!?
• I'm getting my hair cut today and I can't decide what look to go for...WTF indecision!?

Here are my favorite looks. I tried to find people with my hair texture and length. I want to keep my mermaid locks intact for summer. Because Mermaid Hair is the BEST. I will never tire of Merm Locks. Evah. 

The Contenders:

Sideswept Longer Bangs. I heart this.

My hair is wavy like these, so I like the look? No?

More Mermaid Locks. Love Minka Kelly.

Do those all look the same? Maybe. So I guess I have my answer. All I know is I'm super nervie to get my hair done because I don't trust people with my Mermaid Locks. So wish me lots of LockLove.

OH! I solved the MYSTERY OF THE WHITE POWDER IN JULES BEAR'S OFFICE TOILET!

Yeah. Call me Supah Sleuth. I went to tinkle yesterday, and I saw this woman at the sink, with a huge toiletry bag, clearly had just gotten back from the gym. I realized she goes to the gym during lunch, changes in the stall, and "freshens" her lady bits with baby powder because I SAW the baby powder in her toiletry bag. Did I mention she feels the need to spray nasty body spray? Like A LOT of nasty body spray? BLECHHH. 

I'll take a pic of my new coiffe latah! 

peaceloveandmermaidlocks, 

lovelovelove, 

Sparkly Crack and Spring Cleaning

Are you excited to read about sparkly crack? Well I'm excited to tell you about it! Sooo, as I've mentioned before, my graduate school is located in one of the most shady/sketchy/creepy/dangerous/ghetto/homemgeeeithinkiminanepisodeof'thewire'rightnow areas of town. It's called the 'third ward' sounds scary huh? So, I get out late at night usually. And usually, I speed, run stoplights, and get the hell out as quickly as possible, because there are typically like 10 cop cars arresting people at every corner. (Not kidding). And there are constantly stray pit bulls a la Michael Vick roaming about, and I have to keep driving otherwise I start crying (which has happened before) because I want to adopt them all. I DIGRESS. 


I was driving home early last week, at the pinnacle of my cold, and I was feeling uber yucky. And lo and behold, I look up at the stop light. And I see this. 

Now, I don't know if you can really tell, but these shoes are PINK AND SPARKLY. There they hung, sparkling in the sun, and I was so excited to tell you guys all about them. In my experience/knowledge, I have been told that people toss their shoes up on these wires to keep their crack stash safe....so, these people kind of suck at protecting their crack because HOW CAN YOU MISS THEM? They are PINK and SPARKLY!!! So there lies someone's sparkly crack stash. THE END. 

In other news, I am giving my blog a Spring Cleaning Makeover. AND I JOINED TWITTER. I repeat, I JOINED TWITTER. Now someone help me put up a nifty "Follow Me On Twitter" button on my page because I'm technically impaired. My twitter name is "LifeOnAHanger" go figure. ALSO, I want to have a signature thingie. E-mail me if you can help!? Por favor? Y'all rock. 

Oh, and I'M WEARING FLIP FLOPS TODAY! It's actually warm here! My inner Chihuahua is squealing for joy and my skin is no longer nearing PHASE 4 of plant death. Get excited people. 

peaceloveandsparklycrackandhappychihuahuas, 

lovelovelove,