Dodo Birds and Smiling Cats...

Hoe Em Gee, I'm back! I fell of the edge of the world for a spell, thanks to my faulty immune system and a little too much school and work. BUT I'm back and ready to rock!

So am I weird because I forgot to watch the Oscar's? Yes. But it gives me something to research when I'm bored today. Is it weird that instead of watching the Oscar's I went to see Alice In Wonderland? Hell to the no, because AIW was/is one of my favorite books of all time, and AIW is my favorite Disney movie EVAH, with The Little Merm coming in at second place. Since I've never really been the type to do hallucinogenic drugs, AIW takes me to a place that opium/LSD/acid/shrooms could potentially take me, and without the hangover! Curiouser and curiouser!

Moving on. I went to see Tyrone Wells Friday night with a bag-full of tissues for my nasty cold, and he was A-MAZING. Srsly. I'm slightly pissed he's married, but whatevs. Tony Lucca opened for him, and lo and behold I have another musical crush. He's rah-some. What an amazing show, PLUS he played alllll the songs I wanted to hear, so permasmile was ON, despite the sniffles and face pain (sinus infection..blech)

K, so my face still hurts a little. But that doesn't mean I can't give you some GREEK salad today. I will not name any specific names or houses, so peeps don't get offended or what not. 

• A certain SOMEONE (me) was blacklisted from a certain house because a certain SOMEONE (me) made out with an upperclassman's boyfriend. In a certain SOMEONE'S  defense (mine), I didn't know he had a girlfriend PLUS he was a senior, and the prez of his frat, and SMOKIN' hot. How was I going to say no to that? It was worth the stink eye she gave me for a year. Plus he still called me for three years after. Who's the boss now?
• Certain houses would put the "ugly" or "fat" girls on "kitchen duty" during rush. True story. 
• A certain house had a "troll patrol" committee where "troll-ish" girls were weeded out. There may or may not even have been a "troll patrol" water gun that was passed on to new crops of "troll patrol" committees. 
• Certain houses labeled girls that got into the house one year, but turned out to totally suck "crackslippers". Meaning they somehow snuck past "troll patrol" or were legacies that we couldn't get rid of no matter how hard they tried to dig dirt up. 
• Certain houses had to text message names of freshman girls to the rush chair while out and about partying to rank/judge them as they met them, and to keep notes/tabs. Ex: Upperclassman meets "Skanky McSkankerson" at a tailgate. Upperclassman text messages the rush chair (usually not sober) "Hoe Em Gee, just met a frosh named 'Skanky McSkankerson'... she's pretty, but WAY-sted and her dress flew up at the tailgate and I saw her flirt with someone's bf". 

And there you have it. S-E-C- sorostitution at its best. Amazing. Because no one does it better than the S-E-C. No one. 

This weekend, I was at a crawfish boil with some amigos, and I spotted with my eagle eye vision a guy I had gone on a mizmiz date with several months ago. Our parting words on the date were, 

Him: "So when can I see you again?"

Me: "Uhh...well...I'm gonna be out of town for the next 4 weekends, and I stay pretty busy...soo...I'll call you?" (funny sidenote...I ran into him two weeks later...oopsies)

So, needless to say, I pretended I didn't know who he was, despite the fact that he was CIRCLING my group of friend for 2 HOURS. Ughh. Can I Get A Witness?

Now be on your merry way and listen to some Santigold and Sparklehorse while you're at it. 

peaceloveandcheshirecats, 

lovelovelove, 

Jules.

Some Greekness and Some Girl Crushness...Basically.

K, so I have a new girlcrush. I mean I'm still loving me some Marion Cotillard, Olivia Palermo, and Carla Bruni; howevah, this one is musical. Musical crushes in my world are a BIG.DEAL. I present to you, AMANDA BLANK. No, not like Amanda ________ but her name is Amanda Blank. She's a girl rapper, (sometimes I try to rap, TRY being the keyword and I'm usually 3 cocktails deep.) However, I have amazing memorization skillz and I know LOTS of lyrics to rap songs. Try me. It's epic. 


She's ridiculously awesome and I'm pretty sure she jedi-mind tricked some of the lyrics to her songs outta my head. I think that if she and I hung out, we'd be instant besticles. She's a fierce betch. Now go on your merry way to www.lala.com and LISTEN.  My faves are "Might Like You Better" and "A Love Song" she stole those lyrics from my brain. Srsly. Oh and don't pretend to listen to the song at the bottom, bc I will know if you did or not. K thanks. 

we would be TOTAL BEEFERS.

GREEK-ness.

I was "entertainment round chair" which means I wrote the skit we presented to the rush-ees, wrote all the lyrics to the songs we sang, and picked out who would be in the skit etc. etc. Big deal. I know. SO, one year. I had to bite the bullet, wear a blonde wig, and be Anna Nicole Smith post-TrimSpaBaby!. I know, but trust me it worked. So basically, I had to act all wasted and cray cray.

I wore a black halter dress, and nasty long red nails. HAWT.

 Weeks later, Anna Nicole croaks. And I got like 759834598 texts from people being all "HOE EM GEE did you know ANS died and you just pretended to be her?!" Basically like it was my fault or something..um no. I was officially weirded out. And I secretly felt bad for making fun of a now dead person. But we got a good pledge class. So the next year I tried to cast people in the skit that were not likely to die. So we had some Grey's Anatomy peeps, The Olsen Twins, Spice Girls, Paris and Nikki Hilton....Basically, I HAD to keep up with tabloids and PerezHilton to make sure our sorority had a good pledge class. A hard life I lead in college, I tell ya, reading People/Star/USWeekly gets OLD people. (Have you caught on to the heavy handed sarcasm I just laid on you? K good. )

K so, I'm getting sick I think. So I need to go schleep, so here is the video for that cray cray amazing song. ENJOY!

you know you like it!

peaceloveandmusicalgirlcrushes,

lovelovelove, 

Jules.

The White Powder Mystery....

Lovahs,

I have my LAST MIDTERM OF LIFE in 3 hours. So I'm cramming....and blogging. This will be my last post till Sunday or so (don't cry, I'll be back in FULL hurricane force next week!) I will be working a tent at the HOUSTON LIVESTOCK SHOW AND RODEO, which is a pretty big deal here in H-town. While you're missing me, I'd like you to help me solve this mystery. We'll call it "The Mystery of the White Powder in the Ladies Room In Jules Bear's Office"....

So. The ladies' room in our building has three stalls. We share the restroom with one other floor. You with me? K good. SO, somehow, someway, always in the afternoon, I find a sprinkling of WHITE POWDER on the toilet seat of the very far right stall. Umm....?????. Is someone hitting the slopes at lunchtime for a quick drug induced pick-me-up? Is it baby powder? Is a baby using the toilet? Is someone sprinkling their lady parts with baby powder? Is it rat poison? WHAT IS IT?! Help. Please. I need to know if a Colombian drug cartel is going to invade my office, so I can be prepared with sling-blades, nun-chucks, and any other necessary items, including my invisibility cloak. Can I Get A Witness?!

Like this. but on the toilet seat. HELP!!!

Now. Since I don't have much time for stories. I will show you some pictures. It's my day for show and tell. 

EXHIBIT A:

This is what I drink my tea out of every morning. It's really really big, you can't really tell. But it keeps my tea hot. Oh what's that? It's got a pic of my boyfriend on it? Oh yeah, no big deal....I mean I know most people don't have pics of their boyfriend on their tea cups, but he's not a "normal boyfriend". Sometimes I am sipping my tea and I look over and people are giving me the side eye because they're probz jealous of my boyfriend tea cup. Aren't you?

EXHIBIT B:

Last night. I was studying for my midterm. I got a wee bit ADD....And remember that song I told you to listen to??? "Shark In The Water" by VV Brown? Well I'm obsessed. And I'm also OBSESSED with the new Robin Thicke album "Sex Therapy" jumphopskip over to www.lala.com  and listen to it for free NOW. ESPECIALLY the song "It's in the Mornin'" I have been listening to these two songs on repeat for 2 days now. GO. NOW. You'll thank me and want to kiss me on the face. 

Now I must return to crammage for this exam, then I'm off to be my little cowgirl self. (Wow, can you tell I'm cracked out....!?) So, yee-haw and I'll be back soon!

peacelove&cowboyboots.

lovelovelove, 

Jules.

PREPARE TO BE OBSESSIONATED.

Double You Tea Eff Wednesday and a Greek Morsel

I've been bad at Double You Tea Eff Wednesday. Sooo, here ya go!

• It "slushed" in Houston yesterday. Not snow. Not rain. Slush. And the only Slush that I like involves Tequila, Lime Juice, Salt, and is green: all other Slush is evil. Especially when it falls from the sky onto my head. WTF Weather!?!
• I went to the bathroom to wash my hands (because I'm convinced the entire campus of my university is germ-infested) and someone was in the stall GRUNTING, CLEARLY CONSTIPATED and taking a very.very. noisy poodle. I didn't know whether to yak, burst into tears,  burst into laughter or a random combination of the three. AND she had her backpack on the ground of the stall which is DIR.TY. WTF ultimate disgustingness!? Take your toilet issues elsewhere honey. And go ahead and toss that backpack. 

And now for a mini sorority story. 

One time, during rush, this girl's family sent us a HUGE sheet cake with her name on it, so we wouldn't forget to put her on our bid list.(Super creepy.) Clearly her family was trying to sabotage our waistlines and give us muffin tops, so guess what?! CUT. (Just kidding...but she didn't end up being in our sorority. Lord know what else they might have sent? Kalteen bars!? If you can name the movie that's from I will kiss you on the face.) This is just an example of how crazy certain moms/families can get when they want their daughter in a certain house. TOTALLY.CRAY.CRAY.

The cake was literally 2 feet long. I kid you NOT. And it was conveniently in our sorority colors, complete with our sorority flower as decoration. Can you say CRAY CRAY?!

PEE.ESS. I was walking into the office this morning, and I'm not pulling your leg when I tell you that an adorable squirrel was standing at the doors, trying to get in. He was so freaking cute! He stood there, looked at me like "Umm...this is where you open up and let me in" and I was all "awww, you wanna go inside sweet baby!?!?" And then I looked and there was someone behind me who heard me. I think I turned purple. But I'm an animal whisperer, so I whispered the squirrel away. Poor thing was probz freezing its bushy little tail off. Now someone in my building will see me as the "crazy chick who talks to squirrels" and I don't care. CAN I GET A WITNESS?!

lovelovelove, 

Jules.