Thursday, February 11, 2010

I'm Kind of a Genius....

Hola Amigos y Amigas, 

I'm like the poster child for ADD/ADHD today, since all I care about is going home and packing for Mardi Gras. Thanks to many of you, especially my girl over at Cake Called, I Answered, I now am FULLY prepared to face Mardi Gras and survive without losing anything but a little dignity perhaps. (Don't worry, there will be NO chesticle exposure from this girl, I like to keep it classy...) SO, I have devised a GENIUS plan. Firstly, I have threatened all parties in our group with death by dumping them in the swamp with gators if they let me get abducted by clown clans (say that 5 times fast...clown clan...) AND THEN, my genius, fail proof plan was hatched. SO, to ensure that I don't get lost/abducted/kidnapped/sucked up into a UFO by aliens, I will be suggesting that we use some of THESE babies. 

Is this not a brilliant idea???? C'mon. It's BRILLIANT.

1. Our protectors will be able to drag me wherever they want, and can steer me in any direction they deem safe/more fun. 
2. I can hold my wallet, phone, camera and lip gloss on my BACK and have BOTH hands free for my DRANK. PLUS the person steering/pulling me will have a bird's eye view of my treasure trove so no one will try to pick-pocket me. Or is it pick monkey?
3. It's pretty freakin' adorable. Maybe I can give my monkey some beads too...again. genius.

OK so, I'm thinking this will ensure maximum fun and safety, no? Gosh I surprise myself sometimes....

HOWEVER, I will once again threaten my care-takers with instant alligator swamp death if they pull THIS MOVE. Watch this video, you will die laughing slash want this mother slapped. This will NOT be happening. I will be merrily prancing down the streets of NOLA carefree and safe, with a safety monkey on my back!

cray cray. 

PEE ESS. Member when I was creeped out that the guy from Verizon emailed me all creepily? WELL HE DID IT AGAIN YESTERDAY. This is a joke. CAN I GET A WITNESS!?


  1. Genius, my friend... just genius. I am going to need pictures of you and your monkey standing in front of every bar. Also, I think in order for you to insure you get lots of beads without having to show boobage, you should sew some big mumbo jumbos on your monkey... Yunno, so they get something!

  2. omg soultwin you never cease to amaze me. Mrs. Monkey is getting a boob job fo sho!

  3. So you are going to allow a little kid to lead you through the crowd? Well at least the kid with be sober!

  4. Yes. Brilliant. I love that this solution has so many uses.

  5. Ughhh....noooo....I have to give parents a major stink eye when they have their kid on one of those. However, an adult using one for themselves at Mardi Gras would just be plain funny.

  6. 1. i almost wish you had written the whole post in spanish with the way you started it.

    2. i am definitely not opposed to putting my child on a monkey leash.

    3. please come back in one piece from this weekend, k? and have fuuuuuun!!

  7. Okay, is it just a coincidence that you have a video of a kid being dragged by a leash through the VERIZON store AND Verizon guy called again?!?! LOL

    As a mother, I must say there have been times I have wanted to do this to my own child... Do you think 12 is too old for a leash?!?! HAHAHAHA!

  8. dang...dude is persistent! remind me to always bring the boy when i make a trip to VZW.

    oh and ps. you met diddy and weezy?! STFU! tell me more!

  9. So I'm not really into the whole leash for my kid thing, but I am WAY down with this idea. In fact, I think those monkey leashes were actually created for this very purpose; to keep tabs on a twenty-something as they drink copious amounts of alcohol and wander the streets of New Orleans. And the boobs obvs need to happen.

  10. Leashes for Kids - Not Cool
    Leashes for Drunk Adults at Mardi Gras - Way Cool

  11. Hilarious. I hope you and your monkey pack have fun and stay safe.

    Happy Valentine's Day!

  12. ok well i hope you have a great time at mardi gras

    2nd i have a leash for my daughter but b/c of shit like this, i am scared half to death to use it.

    2 little kids were very nearly abducted at the mall and they were with their parents but walking along side of them, and some guy just swooped them up

    hence my leash

    right now i am just avoiding malls


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