Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I wanna sex you up?!?? And a Floppy New Year to You Too....

I'm keeping yesterday's post because I feel like the Bra Pic hasn't had all it's glory, and I have a raging tummy ache and can't focus. Blahhhh. BUT tomorrow I will be posting some glorious concoctions.....peaceout

Dear Color Me Badd, I was driving to work today and heard you on my pod....

I have a bone to pick. As much as I love your song "I Wanna Sex You Up", I'd like some clarification on some of the lyrics. 

straight up sexy....but not really...at all.

"We can do it till we both wake up"..... aren't you supposed to be awake already? Is this some sort of weird fetish? Pretty sure you need to be awake for the deed....or are you feeding these girls roofie coladas??....in that case, you're weird and creepy....and that's illegal. 

"Makin' love until we drown"..... umm.. I don't really know how to put this, but DROWNING is not something I'd like to experience post-act. What does that even mean??? Drown in what? Or do you drown because you weren't awake to begin with? I'm so confused Color Me Badd, so confused.

So, Color Me Badd (with TWO d's), I'm afraid we'll have to keep this a musical relationship only, because I sure as hell would never be caught dead (or passed out) letting one or all of you "sex me up"....because drowning and sleepsex aren't my style. But I still very much enjoy your song...minus the creepiness. 


Next order of business. The "Floppy New Year" Story. 

So, as we stumbled walked out of the bar we went to on New Year's Eve, we needed to hail a cab back to the hotel. While we were minding our own business on the sidewalk, I looked down and saw THIS LITTLE GEM (pictured below) outside of a bar. 

this is a real live photo taken by moi. That guy had HUGE feet, so I told him to put his foot in to gain some perspective...I know...I'm an artist.

Ummm.... I mean I can't say I've never gotten kinda crazy in a bar. I've removed an occasional shoe, perhaps a coat, a scarf, and one time I tried to ravage an ex bf in the bathroom but he was a pansy and said "we might get caught" (DUH idiot, that's the reason it's fun....). But who leaves a bra in the street? I mean I can understand such an ugly heinous HUGE thing like that can be uncomfortable...but be discrete! Shove it in the trash, or in your purse! I once wore hose to a formal and took them off in the bathroom and disposed of them in the trash, see? Discrete. But this bra is large and in charge. It's in yo face! I didn't touch it, but it was huge, and whatever huge things were previously contained in there, were now elsewhere, flopping around. I don't know about you guys, but I like some support (preferably in the form of La Perla, which if I could afford it, I'd be wearing on.the.reg.), and I sure as hell don't want to start off the New Year with my girls all up in your grill, or someone else's flopping about in my grill. This chick must have been literally off her tits drunk. So, from her to you, dear bloggers, "Floppy New Year". 

The Bachelor is back in full swing. Jake, call me. I'd like to corrupt you because you're so sweet. I secretly don't buy it though. I just don't. 
-Michelle is cray-cray, and don't act like it's not obvious the producers forced Jakester (or paid him more) to keep her crazy ass on the show. 
-Vienna. I mean the name says enough. 
-Tenley....you cried because you kissed him. I'm nervous for you girl. 
-Elizabeth, you're very pretty but your boob area is really weird looking. Botched boob job?
-Rozlyn- get over yourself. 

I could go on, but then I wouldn't have time to talk to you about "Conveyor Belt of Love" which Sarah and I BBMed over the entire time. I couldn't get myself enough of Keiko. Sarah already promised to name her daughter Keiko and I can't freaking wait. This show was amazing. I died several times. Like a small piece of my soul died. It's almost like watching Jersey Shore. Almost. I liked Christian, but the dumb slut kicked him off, what.an.idiot.

she sent THIS home. He's perfect. He's mine. 

Ok, enough excitement. I'll leave you with some ear candy. 

"Sleepless"- The Decemberists
"Fake Plastic Trees" - Radiohead
"Fade Into You" - Mazzy Star
"Missed the Boat" - Modest Mouse
"Cleaning Apartment" - Clint Mansell and Kronos Quartet
"The Trapeze Swinger" - Iron & Wine
"Uniform"- Bloc Party
"No Children" - The Mountain Goats
"So Insane" - Discovery
and lastly........ a special treat.....


  1. I guess a girl would notice that sort of thing falling off wouldn't she?

  2. Bras are expensive. I would never leave one out in the street.

    I have not seen this conveyor belt of love show but I have a feeling I would love it.

  3. If Color Me Bad were around today looking like THAT, you can BELIEVE they'd get the crap beaten out of them every other hour.

  4. awesome post! i was cracking up the whole way though

  5. Um Vienna is a complete idiot. Michelle is incredibly insane and unbalanced and made me feel like a normal person. Tenley scares me a little bit, she's a little too snow white for me. It's that little girl voice, eek.

  6. I love your Color Me Badd lyric clarification! (We both know that song was the ish, despite their off the wall lyrics)Awesome and good luck with your final semester! Lucky You!

    Side Bar: Only A Grad Student Would Dissect Lyrics! Love It! :)

  7. Oh yeah! I almost forgot, I've never been that wasted where I left my bra on the street! Now I did loose a cute sandal before but not a bra! Priceless! LOL

  8. I think I already commented but it got erased maybe? So sorry if this is the second time... It was mighty long, but I'll keep this one short. I had such an obsession with Color Me Badd it wasn't even funny. I probably wanted to have sex with them even in the 3rd grade! But ewww now that you've shown what kind of oogy sex they have.

  9. dude, don't be makin fun of my bra that way! thanks

    : P

  10. I think it's hilarious when I find pairs of underwear lying out on the street the day after New Years or St.Patrick's Day. It's like, how did that EVEN happen!

  11. hey i think i have that same bra...mine's a little bigger but that's besides the point. lol.

    ps. don't diss the song...it's gotten me rowled up one to many times so i say it works. ha! kidding.

  12. That song will now be in my head forever. Thanks. Ah ha ha. WHY did I have to miss the crazy on the Bachelor? Crap.

  13. My daughter found a pair of undies in the bathroom at her office. Sent me a pic to verify. Makes you wonder

  14. Haha, seriously, that bra is massive. I kind of want to give that girl the benefit of the doubt, like maybe she was too drunk to realize her bra fell off? But how can you be too drunk to realize your huge titties are bouncing up and down (and possibly hanging down to your stomach)??

  15. The trapeze swinger is one of my favorite songs of all time.

  16. The bachelor is reeeeediculous.

    Now that song is in my head, thanks biatch. :)


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