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OK, so yesterday, Mer from (flash) pasteurized gave me an award and I'm so so stoked, but I'm also so so effed if I don't get back to this paper, so I will come back tomorrow and be nice, say my thank yous, write out my acceptance speech (Michael Scott Dundee Award Style) and pass on the award to my loves. For now, I'll leave you with a little letter to one of my long lost lovers. Be back tomorrow with more fun!
Dear Diet Coke,
I never thought I would hear myself say it, it's been 2 months...but I've been thinking a lot, and well...here goes. I miss you. I know I left you so suddenly, and without warning, but I had to do what was best for us. I was feeling like a chubby bunny and Ann, my yoga teacher told me that I wouldn't lose the extra chubsterness unless I gave you up. And in the words of Jack and Ennis from Brokeback Mountain....I JUST CAN'T QUIT YOU. But I did...and I got skinnzie minzie....so...what I'm trying to say, is that while I miss you, miss your bubbly fizz, the way you cured my headaches (because I was addicted to you) and your intoxicating taste and caffeine, I have to quit you. I do. And I did. And there are 12 of you sitting in my fridge, and I think I'm going to give you away. I have to get rid of you, you know how much I love you though, especially when you come out of the fountain.
Oh yeah, vodka, whiskey, scotch and the gang say hi, they miss you too, they say it's not nearly as fun hanging out with plain old seltzer water, but they still think about you, you and your rich amber color. They say seltzer is so "plain" and forces them to be downed quickly, instead of slowly enjoyed and savored. But they're learning to get along with lime and Splenda (Michael Scott: "It's scotch and Splenda, tastes like sugar, gets you drunk like scotch!") , so I guess things will be ok. Pinot, Chardonnay, Merlot, Pinot Noir, Cabernet, and the Sauvignons are fine, just as usual, so they don't really feel your absence. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you I still love you, and maybe if you stop making me feel like a chunky monkey, I'll think about bringing you back. But for now, it's so-long, sayonara, I'll see you soon. I still think about you.....
Oh yeah, vodka, whiskey, scotch and the gang say hi, they miss you too, they say it's not nearly as fun hanging out with plain old seltzer water, but they still think about you, you and your rich amber color. They say seltzer is so "plain" and forces them to be downed quickly, instead of slowly enjoyed and savored. But they're learning to get along with lime and Splenda (Michael Scott: "It's scotch and Splenda, tastes like sugar, gets you drunk like scotch!") , so I guess things will be ok. Pinot, Chardonnay, Merlot, Pinot Noir, Cabernet, and the Sauvignons are fine, just as usual, so they don't really feel your absence. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you I still love you, and maybe if you stop making me feel like a chunky monkey, I'll think about bringing you back. But for now, it's so-long, sayonara, I'll see you soon. I still think about you.....
love, and I'm sorry for hurting you,
Jules
this was me.
Ughh about the paper, I had a 7:30 FML...
ReplyDeletethats SO funny about the diet coke andlol thats a WONDERFUL drawing... HAHA!
i just laughed my ass off. i hate carbonated drinks, but you already know that.
ReplyDeletefiji/evian/smart water + me = love
p.s. finish your damn paper because i'll be waiting...
LOL I love your letter to Diet Coke! I gave it up too. :( I miss it, but I don't miss that bloated feeling that it gave me. I only drink water now. Well and alcohol, mostly wine.
ReplyDeleteNew follower!
I'm with ya - I lovey the DC. But I also have a bad jube jube addiction that I'm trying to kick because they bung me up. What? Too much information? Sorry Mate.
ReplyDeleteNow get off the blogs and the email and get to work on that paper Missy!
AHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! DUDE, I wrote this letter 2 months ago too. And I lost weight! BUT BUT BUT now it's creeping back into my life like an ex boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteI'm sticking to wine and sangria from now on. Thanks for the reminder you're the best.
This made me crack up...I too am a diet coke addict. I blame it fully on my mother because growing up the fridge was always stocked full of her precious diet coke. It became a big ordeal once I developed a liking for it and we would battle it out for who got the last one...needless to say once I moved out I took a break from diet coke but my Mother's addiction has been going for the past 2o year and she is nowhere near the end...the worst part is that she is 105 pounds...bitch. bitch. bitch.
ReplyDeleteum how is okay to give up diet coke while you're still sipping on whiskey and scotch (bleh!)?!
ReplyDeletei have my occasional diet coke. never notice a different from when i'm hooked to when i'm not so i guess it doesn't matter for me.
oh and diet coke wanted me to tell you that he misses you like crazy but he's getting by.
ps. i'll pretend i didn't read that you like miley cyrus in my comment. that way we can still be friends. lol.
Sometimes I love coke. Other times it makes me feel like I might die in a headache-infused pain vortex. No idea why.
ReplyDeleteI hope you were able to finish your paper without too much pain! And I commend you. I couldn't make it through the day without my caffeine fix. So sad!
ReplyDelete