Double You Tea Eff Wednesday and Silver Linings

Here we are, another hump-day. I swear, if the weather in this town doesn't take a turn towards sunny-ville soon, I'm going to go totally cray-cray and become a hermit and never leave Merlot, Chardonnay, or my pajamas. I've now crossed the line from pale to total translucence, and soon my real identity (vamp) will be exposed. And then I'd have to change the blog to "Life in a Coffin" or "Life at the Blood Bank" and that'd be totes inconvenient. I feel so gross when I'm pale, and that is NOT a good thing. at.all. Sarah will make fun of me for going to "Darque Tan" (pronounced dar-kwa) so I have to wait for the real thing. So now for featured Double Ewe Tea Effs:

uhh...no. Pale is fug. At least for me. PLUS it exposes my vamp-ness, and I don't need the Volturi barking up my tree right now. srsly.

• Houston has officially become Forks, WA, and I am beginning to forget what the sun feels like. WTF weather?
• Technically speaking, I am a "senior" in my Master's Program since it's my last.semester.ever. So, logically, I am suffering from an EXTREME case of "senioritis"...it's only the 3rd week of the term. WTF senioritis coming so early?? (That's what she said...sorry couldn't help myself. Shout out to Carissa and Stacy who both KNOW that TWSS will never.get.old.EVAH.)
• My hair has grown like a million inches in the last few months and my hair usually grows at a snaaaaail's pace. The only person who I trust to cut my hair works in Nashville (Renee at "The Loft" I love you, NO ONE cuts my hair like you do...) If any of you readers live in Houston and know of someone who won't leave me looking like I had a date with a weed-eater, holla atcha girl. WTF lack of skillful, hairdressers in Houston and WTF to those who charge 5 bajillion dollars to cut hair?!

A week ago, I took my new phone into Verizon because I was having trouble figuring it out. The dude who helped me was helpful, but then, today, in the middle of class, I received an email from him where he goes "hey, what's up, how's the new phone treating you :) If you need more help, you know I'll help you out..." Well, see, problem is, I actually meant to go in because I'm still having an issue, and now I'm weirded out that he e-mailed me and included an emoticon...Emoticons weird me out. So now I'm going to have to go to ANOTHER location to ask my questions. Am I weird? Can I Get A Witness?

Random Observation: Sometimes, when you want something, you can't wait for it to jump in your lap. Sometimes, you have to break some rules and just go for it. And sometimes, when you do this, it will make you cry, but sometimes it will make you smile. And when you take a chance and it makes you smile, there is no better feeling. I've had some black clouds over my head the past few weeks, but I finally bit the bullet and got a smile out of it. And even though I don't know how things will REALLY end, one smile is better than another day on my shit-tractor. I may fall on my ass in the long run, but I can't look back and regret not trying.

Chanson Du Jour:

"Resistance"- Muse

"Are You F*cking Kidding Me" - Kate Miller-Heidke (Carrissa, do your effing homework and look this song up)

"Dimestore Diamond" - Gossip

"Cosmic Love" - Florence and the Machine

"Company I Keep"- White Rabbits

"Home"- Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

"So Insane"- Discovery


OK so I had to add this: On my way to work this morning, walking through campus in the FREEZING COLD WIND (me.no.likey) I'm fairly certain (like 99.998989999999 % sure) that I saw Russell Brand AND Bubba Sparxx walking amongst the commonfolk. I couldn't fish my camera out of my bag because my claw/hand was frozen to my tea mug. Can I Get A Witness?

We've Got Ourselves A 'SITUATION'

Arright kids. IT'S TIME. For my FIRSTEST guest post. Neil is a cool cat. Neil was my group leader in college for "collegiate leadership vanderbilt" where we met once a month, ate free  nosh, met cool people, and then  went on a free trip to Chicago and got real drunk. Then, I was one of the actual "leaders" and we went to Chicago again, and had an amazing time. Neil has seen me at my "best" and I have seen him at his "best" when he was dressed as a "light bright" on Halloween. Needless to say, we've had some good times. Below, is Neil's post about how he won first place at a Jersey Shore themed party. I'm so proud. I added some notes for you in a different color. Enjoy! Neil was supposed to have this post done earlier, but he had some shit called "law school" to attend to...pshhhh.

like trash. but trashier.

Let’s be honest; I’m too old to be watching MTV (Neil is kinda old I guess...law school is for old peeps). I remember when people on the Real World had to get actual jobs after their show ended (aka MJ from the RealWorld went to Vandy and one time I was drunk and fell on top of him at a bar...I digress), and Lauren Conrad trendsetted in Laguna Beach. Nevertheless, I associate with a much younger demographic, and they sometimes throw Jersey Shore themed birthday parties. As a former frat-tastic, I love a good theme party. Ergo, I spent the last week catching up with Snooki, the Situation, and the rest of team train wreck via On Demand. After watching, I don’t understand the public rancor toward Jersey Shore (he uses words like ergo and rancor now bc of law school...typical). The cast members were exactly like every other person I’ve met from the Philly-to-New York region (his name was Steve and he went to Vandy). The only thing the show failed to capture was their overt affection for Bon Jovi.

It became readily apparent after just a few shows that I would need to go beyond my normal wardrobe to fully participate in the Jersey Shore theme (Neil is a self-proclaimed "label-whore"). Despite the casts’ proximity to Martha’s Vineyard, not a single person repped (kids still say that right?) with a Vineyard Vines polo. Consequently, I started researching and pricing outfits. (We went to school in the south, hence lots of pastels, seersucker, etc. etc.)

Now, when I was first introduced to the “guido lifestyle” (send your complaints to Pauly D; his words, not mine) the world had not yet been afflicted with Affliction and Ed Hardy. Rather, fashionable guidos purchased designer t-shirts because the t-shirt was all they could afford. Back in the day, Myrtle Beach—the closest you could get to Jersey Shore without leaving the South—reeked from overly cologned kids with gelled hair. Those kids all wore black Armani Exchange tees.  Nowadays designers embrace the t-shirt. Unfortunately for me, that means Affliction and Ed Hardy shirts cost more than I would spend on a costume contest (But not more than you spent on that Burberry tie Neilster...I have the memory of Gandalf the Grey..or someone like that.)

By the Saturday of the party, I was as nervous as a waste removal consultant in a federal courthouse (I like to keep my analogies on point with the story) (I'm kinda lost...). As I mourned the Duke loss to Georgetown (a university that, like the Jersey Shore, is also void of blondes), the creative juices began to flow.  My girlfriend, Kelly, had a box full of glitter and a glue stick. After a quick call to a friend coming over for the Vandy Kentucky game I had a size medium v-neck tee. (This paragraph needs one more parenthetical). (Here's one more just for good measure, and I am not a blond FYI readers...)

While my friends drank away the Vandy game, I designed a custom t-shirt. For the front I went with the A|X standby for Armani Exchange. For the back I did the Ed Hardy logo and threw on a cross, couple skulls, pair of wings, a rose, and—for the coup de grace (ok for srs. with this law school vocab?)—a fleur-de-lis. Honestly, it was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen with glitter. In some weird sort of synergy my inner fratinessess’s love for theme parties allowed me to channel my inner sorority girl. If my friends hadn’t had such death grips on their beer cups I would’ve paint penned them with BFF and AOT (Neil was always jealous of my sorority, he hearted us).

Neil says coup-de-grace- I say piece-de-resistance....boo-yah.

A power hour later we were in a taxi on our way to McFaddens, the only place in Nashville where I had a chance of blending into the crowd (aka trashiest trashbar EVAH). I paired my custom tee with white sneaks and gold chain. As an added bonus, I found the orange makeup I used for my Ernie (of Bert and Ernie fame) Halloween costume. It gave me the proper Gym, Tan, Laundry glow. We strolled into the bar’s private room and someone immediately greeted us with jager bombs. While apropos (ok, this is ridic...apropos?!?!) apropos and gym tan, laundry don't go in the same sentence...or paragraph), it really threw off the perfect balance of pre-game party readiness I had achieved. Unsurprisingly, the night went took a turn for the best.

After suggesting in my best outside voice that the bartender should crank up the tunes, I began chatting with the girl beside me. She was dressed in a combination of items that I’m pretty sure were meant to be normally worn underneath clothes. She told me she taught at the Catholic elementary school. I felt that was an appropriate time to walk off, mid-conversation, to find my friend Joe who only dates Catholic girls. The bartender, presumably due to my repeated finger points and yells of “do it, barkeep”, turned up the music at that point, and I began some wicked awesome fist pumping. I say wickedly awesome because I realized halfway through the night that I don’t know how to fake a Jersey accent. Consequently, I started every subsequent conversation with “I pahk my cah in hahvahd yahd. What’s yah name?” Boston, Jersey, practically the same thing. (See, he tricks you with the fancy law school lingo and doesn't even know Joisey from Basss-ton, tricky bunch those lawyers...)

After fist pumping, the birthday girl announced the costume contest. If there’s one thing I like more than theme parties, it’s winning best costume at a theme party (Vandy= automatic winners). I crossed my fingers as she announced the 5 finalists and blew a sigh of relief when she called my name. The girl in nothing but undergarments also made the final cut. Fellow revelers were to vote by making very loud noises. Upon presenting myself for judgment, Kelly and our friend CeLee (Omg, I love CeeLee!) screamed like 10 year olds at a Miley Cyrus concert (or, keeping with the theme, 45 year olds at a Bon Jovi concert). As the clear winner, I received a jar of pickles larger than my head. Undergarment girl—undoubtedly and justifiably perturbed by me walking out on our earlier conversation—complained she didn’t get the memo that this was a t-shirt making party. Unfazed by the hating, I carried the pickles under my arm for the rest of the evening and introduced myself as “The winnah of tha wicked awesome costume contest.”

That’s my guest blog, folks.

XOXO,

Guido Girl 

(that was totes a GossipGirl reference and he gets so many awesomeness points for that...)

Thank you Neil for your wicked awesome post. Wicked.Awesome. K I'm gonna go shower now after all the Joisey up in my grill...

I HATE When I Get Kidnapped....Such An Inconvenience

Yes, I was kidnapped this weekend, and I'm back. Before you get all "ohmygoshareyouok!?" on me, let me be the first to tell you, this isn't the first time I've been 'napped. 

So, basically, these evil creatures called "whore-moans" come to earth, steal me, and replace me with a different version of myself. Basically, the "fake" me, is super emo, gets misty eyed when she drops her pen, listens to whiny music, eats chocolate like it's the last edible thing on earth, and is very "woe is me". So basically, my weekend consisted of my "fake" self schlepping around in my pink leopard pajamas, watching movies, drinking wine, eating Nestle "Flipz" and missing my "real" self who was taken up to space with those assholes called "whore-moans". PLUS it was a full moon, and that just made shit worse.  For instance, I met a friend for lunch, and I was wearing black yoga pants, a black wool turtleneck, my wayfarers, and a baseball hat. He asked me if I was in espionage school, or if I was trying to channel a celebrity in hiding. If you know me at all, you will know that if you ever see me in a baseball hat, I'm either 1. going to be outdoors all day 2. have been abducted my "whore-moans" and the thought of brushing my hair makes me want to stick needles in my eyes. 

basically.

So, now that I'm back, I'm very happy to return to "normal" me instead of "fake and emo" me. Because nobody likes a whiner. However, the weather in Houston has been so shistey that the only way I could stop myself from turning around dead in my tracks this morning in the freezing rain was by chanting "FML, FML FML, FML, FML, FML" on the walk to work this morning. It took my mind off the fact that I couldn't feel my frozen claws fingers gripping my umbrella-ella-ella-ay-ay-ay and frozen toes. 

Sooo, get excited guys, because in the next few hours, I will be losing my guest-post v-card! My friend Neil will be posting about the fact that he won the first place award at a Jersey Shore themed party this weekend. Neil is a total gangsta and I'll give you the word on him as soon as he finishes his post....ahem. Neil, that's your cue to hurry the eff up. Deadlines...deadlines my friend. 

So, this morning, during my "FML" chanting walk to work, someone asked if I was a Vampire... Wait, stop, rewind. Let me break it down for you. 

Human: "What are you a vampire or something"

Me/Vampire Me: "Uhh...why do you ask?"

Human: "Well, it's raining and grey, and you're wearing dark sunnies"

Me/Vampire Me: Evil Grin, very a la Cheshire Cat/Dwight Schrute when he grins like an evil goblin....I will never blow my cover....Edward WHO?

Last weekend, I was in a "mood" and was too hungover to be bar hopping. Plus my friend made me walk like 984573 miles down the street in rilllllllllly high heels. So, we went to this bar that was supposed to be "amazing". Um. Not so much. There were trolls every.where. So as we walk in, I loudly observe "What the hell is this, a Lord of the Rings audition!?".....Can I Get A Witness?

Chanson Du Jour:

Band of Skulls- Fires

Sia- Satellite Heart

The Middle East- Lonely and Fool's Gold

White Rabbits- Company I Keep

Delphic- This Momentary

Pee Ess: I'm about to go snatch this broad's phone from the office if she doesn't turn down the damn ringtone...for srs. Maybe the bodysnatchers are back for round two of 'napping me...damn. Just when I thought I was back in action. 

I'm Just Going To Admit That I'm Openly JEALOUS...and I Love Muzak.

Hey Kids,

So last night I was feelin' groovy, had a good workout, made din, watched the State of the Union (aka read W mag and looked up and yelled at the TV like I knew what I was talking about every so often....there may have been some fist pumping or birdie flipping involved...I don't speak politics. ahem). THEN, I was catching up on some blog reading (shout out to CARISSA who MADE me stay awake to piss myself laughing at her post...yea I'm talkin' to YOU), sippin' on my chamomile tea, when my blood stopped cold in my veins. My girl crush is in lurve. Remember HER!? Well, apparently she's all up in this Johannes Huebl's grill. And yes, I'm jealous. He's hawt, and they're hawt together. Jealous. Here's the YouTube of them being all cute. I'm happy for them. She needs to be in lurve to remove the stick she has up her arse. Love you Liv. Love your boyfriend too....(yes, that was passive aggressive...a bit)

so freakin' adorable.sigh.

In other noticias. (Putting that Master's in Spanish Lit to use! Noticias=news) I'm crafting my Coachella post. I have a free flight on Southwest, and I have a place to stay...so all I need is my ticket. Does anyone know if they sell out fast? All I know is that I will be like a thirteen year old at a JoBros concert if I get to go. You have NO idea. NONE.

In more musical news. You NEED to hear this song. It's amazing. Like holyholyguacamole amazing. I've put the music vid below, so you lazies don't even have to leave my page. You're WELCOME. Tell me that song doesn't kick some serious bootay. "Whatever You Like" by Anya Marina....this may be another musical girl crush. 

K so some of you guys asked about my pup, since I mentioned her yesterday in my post when she was playing Jedi mind tricks on me to go back to bed despite my uber nosh-ness. There is a pic of her HERE in a previous post, and for you lazies who don't want to click, I will post some below! She is an imperial Shih-Tzu and her name is Sushi. She also goes by: Nug, Nugget, Nugtron, Nugtrola, Nugtronimous, Nuggets, Chunky Nugget, Chunky Monkey, Chunky Chicken, Chunkers, Pumpkin, Lover Bear, Bear, Punky Monkey....the list goes on..and yes she loves it, but I'm surprised she doesn't have an eating disorder since I'm basically calling her fat all the time...So here she is...the perfect pup.

I caught her snoozing in my faux fur throw...presh.

                                         Christmas pup. See those jedi mind trick eyes!?

I gave myself cat-woman glasses bc I have commitment issues and don't wanna show my face just yet. Weird. I know. Deal with it. Her ears were rilllllly long here.

My friends say she looks like a gremlin, or an ewok...and then I give them Jedi mind trick eyes and freeze their souls. Because she's way effing cuter than that. damnit.

Chanson Du Jour:

Anything by Anya Marina

The album "Lady Croissant" by Sia. Especially the tracks titled "Breathe Me" "Lentil" and "Blow it All Away"

"Ragoo" Kings of Leon

"Rockets" Sanders Bohlke

"Whatever it is" Zac Brown Band...this song makes my heart barf out puffy clouds and rainbows. puke I know..but it's pretty stinkin' cute. 

Now go to www.lala.com and do your homework!!!! Stay tuned for my Coachella post!

Today, on campus, I saw a pack of Jehovah's Witnesses walking in my direction, and I knew they were going to stop me and give me a Bible, and since I already have a small stash of these mini-Bibles....I kind of ran away....Can I Get A Witness?

Double You Tea Eff Wednesday

It's 2 am. I'm not asleep. I'm not happy about this. I had SUCH a productive day: got a mani, went to the bank, ran some errands, went to class, went to the gym, cooked din, showered, cleaned (cleaning=cleaning while having a personal dance party), and was SO pumped to be in bed by 10 because I have a long day tomorrow. 

I get in bed, pull on my night shades, no big...THEN....I started sweating...like awkwardly hot, rrrrrrrilly hot out of nowhere....THEN I got nosh. Like, not '"Oh this might be slight indigestion" nosh, but like, "where is the nearest receptacle so I can yak in it" nosh. (Nosh=nauseous). For those of you who don't know, I am PETRIFIED of yakking. Like, I will literally cry and hyperventilate. It's weird, but I cannot stand the mere thought of puke. I swear I thought I was preggers for a sec, then realized unless this was the Immaculate Conception, I had nothing to worry about. (TMI?....probs). So here goes Wednesday's post.

P.S. as we speak, my puppy is giving me the "bitch, go back to bed, your typing is keeping me awake" look, and she keeps putting her paw on my arm so as if to say, "I'M SERIOUS WITH THIS SHIT"....(I'm an animal whisperer...I'll tell you more later) and I'm giving her the "bitch (literally) don't you know I'd love to be asleep right now, but I've got a case of the rilllllly bad nosh and need to trick my brain into feeling better, so don't look at me with your cute furry face" look. And now for Double You Tea Eff Wednesday,  uber nosh style

• My body currently hates me and is trying to make me yak. WTF body?! 
• I went ahead and got the Droid, and I love it, but I secretly miss my blackberry and MIGHT switch back if I can't figure this phone out... WTF indecisiveness!?
• There is a certain situation that is bugging the eff out of me this week, and I can't fix it because it involves another person who isn't trying to fix it. WTF life?!
• My puppy is so freaking adorable I can't stand it....WTF that was random
• It REALLY needs to start getting hot out so I can lay by the pool, because I'm nearing translucence (Edward Cullen style) and I'm too broke to go to the tanning bed, slash I'm quitting the tanning bed. WTF winter?!

So, I've been cataloging and mentally recording "Can I Get A Witness" moments on campus, when I came across the MOTHERLOAD. I went to the gym. I mean it was ridic. It was like fishing with dynamite. For realz. I can't even write them all because it'd take too long and you'd skim this post, and then I'd have to hurt you, and because my nosh-ness is fading and turning into post-nosh tiredness...  I digress. THEREFORE, I commence:

• At the gym, there was a girl working out with her hair down, 'styled' ( I use the term loosely bc while SHE might've thought it was 'done' it looked more like a cat had used her head as a scratching post) and blue eyeshadow covering her ENTIRE eye lid, like this chick. Can I Get A Witness?

Srsly. It was this bad, but worse. 

• A girl at the gym was working out in a sports bra that was 9 sizes too small, and zebra print leggings. zebra print. leggings. Holy unflattering-ness. Can I Get A Witness?
• Another girl was wearing lemon yellow bootie shorts and a really tight white top. No big right? Ohhhh no, but the shorts were see-through, I could almost see her "hoo-ha", and she was doing these really creepy 'stretches' that looked like they belonged on stage at a place called "The Men's Club" and all the while, she's staring at herself in the mirror giving these seductive gazes....Can I Get A Witness?????

I think the worst of the nosh is over, though I'm still super weirded out as to WHY IN THE HELL it happened in the first place. Plus I'm pretty sure my puppy is going to kill me in my sleep if I don't stop typing soon (We blog in bed when we're at home...we=me+pup). 

Musique Du Jour:

GO LOOK AT THE 2010 COACHELLA LINE-UP AND GASP BECAUSE PRETTY MUCH ALL OF MY FAVORITE BANDS ARE PLAYING, and if you don't know any of them, IMMEDIATELY go to www.lala.com and START GETTING TO KNOW THEM. I will dedicate an entire post later on about Coachella because it's THAT amazing. Word. 

lovelovelove,

the super nosh chick who is getting stink eyed by her pup




Pee Ess:


I got my 5 year diary in the mail from Jaeve+Things, and I'm in lurve with it! Everyone needs one! Here's a pic of the journal, plus a little note I wrote to paste in the front...it's kinda cheesy, but I guess I was in a cheesy mood. Holla. 

That Time I Read Tucker Max, Got the Stink Eye, and Almost Yakked...

Friends and Lovers, Lovers and Friends, 

Hope everyone had less of a hangover than I did this weekend. Friday night tricked me into thinking I was a total champ and that mixing margaritas, gin, vodka, champagne and sugar would be SUCH a good idea. In a nutshell, I felt like death all weekend. Thanks Friday night, you're an asshole. 

Speaking of wild nights, I was reminded of the time I read, "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" by Tucker Max. I decided to buy the book for my weekend trip to Nashville for my yearly reunion with the besticles. I though this was a GRAND idea. 

I was wrong. Very, very, wrong. I cracked open the book while waiting for my flight to board. There happened to be a lot of guys sitting around me and every time one of them saw what I was reading, they'd give me this weird ass look, and kind of shake their head. Why? Is it because I was about to uncover all of the dirty little secrets and tricks men play on us poor unsuspecting women (heavy sarcasm)? Is it because I'm not 'manly' enough to read this book? Does it make me MORE manly? WHAT is so wrong with me reading it?!?! Some guys turned, looked, chuckled, and seemed to give me a "good luck with that sugar" look...WHAT.THE.HELL.

THEN, while I was on the flight, I was ripping through the book, and every time I laughed out loud, snickered, or giggled, the dude next to me looked at me like I was a total looney-toon. Um, it's a funny book, why don't you read one yourself and wipe that stupid smirk off your face, captain douchenozzle!?

THEN...on the way home, I learned to fold back the book cover, so no one could see what I was reading because I was tired of getting "that look". BUT, what happened was that I was still slightly hungover, sleep deprived, and hadn't eaten very much all day. I came across an extremely graphic story involving dirty dirty things, and I swear to you, I must've turned white as a ghost. I had to put the book down and take a few deep breaths so as not to yak up the contents of my tummy. Damn you Tucker Max, you and your dirty habits. Overall, the book WAS pretty hysterical I must admit, even though I don't think he's an attractive guy to begin with and I have a hard time believing that he could get so much action, but we all have our charms I suppose. So, if you like dirty humor, march on over to the bookstore and pick up a copy, but make sure that you fold back the cover to avoid "stink eyes" from men. 

IN other news, a BIG THANK YOU THANK YOU to Bathwater who made my new spiffy blog title!! WHAT a sweetie!! Srsly. Go on over and check him out, tell him how awesome he is, and make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside! So, big major thanks to him, my blog looks so fresh thanks to you!!! 

Musique Du Jour:

"Lover" Devendra Banhart

The entire new album by Vampire Weekend called "Contra"...it's delish. enjoy. 

Not ANOTHER Man Day!?

I know what you're thinking...this chick is taking the "Man Days" a little too far, but I just have to run this past you. So I haven't  had a "Man Day" since the last one, but the older I get, the more I realize that I have a few qualities that are typically "manly".....or maybe I'm insane. You pick. (I minored in women's and gender studies in college and am getting a 'mini-masters' in women's studies, therefore I am a self-proclaimed expert....yes I am heterosexual because that's usually the first question anyone asks after I divulge that).  I digress. I grew up around a lot of boys, my dad was my best friend, and I've always had a ton of close guy friends. (I know what everyone says about not being able to be friends with a boy, and while I agree to some extent, it CAN work every once in a blue moon, given that there's no sexual attraction WHATSOEVER...not even after 2 bottles of wine and a roofie colada, that's the true test.) So, I share with you reasons I'm more "boy-like" if you will:

- I really love beer. In fact, in most cases, I prefer it to liquor. It's actually worked in my favor quite a bit because several men have approached me in bars asking why I'm drinking beer instead of a Cosmo, and I say, "um..I like it?" and they say, "that's hot." win-win. 

-I've become somewhat of a commitment-phobe in the last two years. I go on one date with a dude, and then I fall off the face of the earth, act weird, and avoid confrontation like.the.plague. I do this especially in cases where the guy comes off super strong, it's like a repellent. I run like a fat roach from the Raid can. But then if I DO actually like a guy, I still act distant and awkward, because OF COURSE I can't really say how I feel. Most def. not a win-win. 

-I just realized that I only really have those two reasons (for now...but I'm full of surprises)....I literally just started giggling (um...not manly) at my desk because I officially have confirmed my nuttiness. I'm not that manly I guess. Oh well, I guess now you can say you know two fun facts about me. Giggidy. 

Today, while walking to the office, I saw a cab pass me in the street. It was painted turquoise. On the side, in pink lettering, was written "JR's cab"....I was just wondering if each ride came with a complimentary roofie colada? CREEPY. Can I Get A Witness?

Musique Du Jour: 

"Can I Kick It?" -  A Tribe Called Quest

"Tell Me When To Go" - E-40 (Throwback Thursday for ya)

"Daylight" - Aesop Rock

"Heartbreak Warfare" - John Mayer

"Headdress" - Amazing Baby

"The Privateers" - Andrew Bird

"Ghosts n' Stuff" - Deadmau5

Double You Tea Eff Wednesday and "Can I Get A Witness?"

Lovers and Friends, Friends and Lovers,

I'm chock-full of juicy gems for you and so it begins with a new cult tradition. "Double You Tea Eff Wednesday" (which will obviously be happening on Wednesdays, and because it's more fun to spell it that way). Basically, I will be sharing with you some random facts, observations, personal habits, and other juicy fruits of my life that make me go, "DOUBLE YOU TEA EFF!" (WTF, in other words for you more visual learners). I've blogged in the past about some 'double you tea eff' moments, and since I feel like these happen often, it's going to be on the reg now. You're welcome. So here goes:

-I've been so so so tired the past three days, and when I finally climb into bed for night-night, my body's all "hey, let's get up and dance, I've got energy now" and I'm all "you're a big jerk, body" and I toss and turn for 2 hours....WTF body!?

-I thought that boys would get the hint if my responses to their texts and calls were monosyllabic words like "yep" "nope" and "cool" (I even threw in an "I'm leaving town this weekend and won't be by my phone...which was totes not true)...apparently not. This means I have to sack up and say "I'm just not that into you" and I'm kind of emotionally non-adept in those situations.....WTF boys!?

-My VS swimsuit I ordered will only be arriving to me in half. The top is back-ordered till February 24th...this means I can't try it on daily and stare at myself till it looks hawt. WTF Vickie's!? 
- I never watched Gossip Girl, I always was so poz it would be a terrible show, and a waste of my life. Well, thanks to Netflix, I'm a little bit addicted. I'm pissed. WTF Netflix and GG? (Sidenote to Carissa...I am also addicted to Dexter...this is very.very.bad.)

And now, I have another special treat. "Can I Get A Witness". Basically, as I've already shared with you in previous posts, the campus I attend grad school at is.....interesting. There are daily occurrences that make me die a little. So, I need to share them, because some of them are once in a lifetime things. I will take pictures when I can, but sometimes these creatures and moments are fleeting and elusive, so a mental pic will have to do. Capiche? Here goes:

-Today I was driving into the parking lot, and standing on the corner was a mid-30's man, wearing aviators and a porn stache. I think he was trying for the "hipster" vibe and accidentally crossed over into "dirty perv"...My reaction: simultaneous shiver and cringe, "shinge" or "criver"....and I almost hit the curb. Can I Get A Witness?

they might even be related. srsly.

-I was walking into the office, when a girl walked past me, and I AM NOT KIDDING when I say she smelled EXACTLY like grape Dimetapp. My mouth even watered...NOT in a good way. She literally must've bathed in Grape Dimetapp. Can I Get A Witness?

- Yesterday, I was waiting for the elevator, and some dude was waiting next to me. He was the "manly" man, in a football jersey, obviously spends way too much time at the gym, and is probs on the juice if you know what I mean. I gave him the "ew, you're creepy" glare, and then I had to share oxygen with him in the elevator. When we get in the elevator, there are two other randos in it. We get in, and I shit you not, his Ipod is BLASTING Lady Gaga's "paparazzi"....I was doing the whole cough/laugh and everyone else in the elevator kept awkwardly looking at each other and cough/laughing while 'tough guy' stared on ahead...Can I Get A Witness?

musique du jour:

The Artist "Hot Chip". I'd heard them before, but I now am a full-fledged lovah of their stuff. Try them out, you'll love. Trust.


Here's my fave song by them for now...giggidy. 

Do I Need Any More Reasons?!

Friends,

I've not written in what feels like years, but I'm back again. Today is the first day of the LAST semester of graduate school, and it has started with a bang...or more like a bust. For those of you who don't know, I hate grad school,and I hate the campus of my school. Here's why.

So far today, I have been here 1.5 hours and I have:

-cursed and used profanities that many have never even heard

-wasted an HOUR of my life trying to find parking

-seen WAY TOO MANY wardrobe malfunctions

-smelled so many....so many people who don't know what a shower is

-dodged approximately 3489573498 cases of swine flu, herpes, bronchitis, gross coughs, and other nasty germs that people don't know how to control

-given 45834098 nasty sneers, faces, and "oh my sweet Lord I can't believe you are allowed in the light of day" stares

-not eaten anything because I'm so flustered

-printed out the FIFTY PAGES that my professor wanted us to read for class today....say goodbye to the good 'ole days where the first day of class was a complete joke and you stopped in to pick up the syllabus...ugh

BUT, on the positive side, this is the LAST semester!! Also, I ordered the Pink VS swimsuit, it was by far the most popular, and the color was my fave, but I'm def. ordering another one later on this spring, so you can vote again. I STILL haven't decided on a phone, but it's down to the newer blackberry or the Droid....decisions decisions. Oh, and you all misunderstood me, I just want to change the BANNER title of my blog, not ALL my blog handwriting. K thanks, y'all make my life so much better.

lovelovelove,

Bittergradstudent

OMG I almost forgot. I WON A BLOG GIVE-AWAY!! I won a super sexy five year diary from Jaeve+Things (go check her out, she's pretty amazing), and I can't wait to break it  in and use it! I always am writing things/notes/lyrics etc. on random scraps of paper and I lose them ALL, so now I can consolidate! Thanks love!


PS...the couple sitting next to me at the library literally just had a convo that went...
girl: "you haven't gotten a cold sore lately"
guy: "yeah, pretty cool huh?"
blah-blah-blah...then they bust out in a fight...in the middle of the lib....WEIRD.
girl: "I've gotten pretty good about not biting my nails lately, it's been ten days..."
PEOPLE ARE CRAZY.



the end.

Lots to Do People, I'm Counting on YOU!

Ok Folks (yeah I said folks)

I have questions, and I need your answers. And then I'll tell you a story. Capiche? Word.

1. I get a new phone next week. I get to pick whatever I want. I currently have a blackberry curve, and I heart it. I'm on the Verizon Network (Can you hear me now? Good.) And so I'm picking between the New DROID, the Blackberry Tour, and the new Blackberry Curve. I need you to pick for me because when things get down to the wire, I get more nervous/neurotic than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. 

2. I need to find a job by May, because that's when I graduate. I will then have a Bachelor's and a Masters in Spanish Lit...useful...I know...ugh. But I do freelance writing from time to time, interned at a magazine, and have worked in retail management. I love clothes, music, and people. Suggestions. Oh yeah, and I need to make some cash. Please don't suggest stripping because I'm getting desperate and desperate times call for desperate/gross measures, and I don't want to change the blog name from "Life on a Hanger" to "Life on the Pole". K thanks. 

3. Bathing suit season is quickly approaching and I need to order one stat. That way, I can try it on anywhere between 3-a million times a week and stare at myself till I look good in it. I'm picking between these....

Does VS have a good return policy? Anyone? 

4. I want to change the handwriting/font of my blog title, but I'm terrified to trying it myself and ruining my blog. Help!? I want cute handwriting, not times new roman...I'm lost

Ok, I was going to tell a story, but I don't want to overload you, plus you've got loads of work to do by answering my questions. Y'all rock. For realz yo. Peace out. Did anyone listen to RATAT? They're soooo good!!!!

"It's 5 o'clock somewhere" isn't working for me today.....

I need to preface this post with a few things. First, I realize some of you live in arctic weather, and you might hate me for this post. But I've never lived in the North/Arctic so you can't hate me because I don't know any better. So, sorry for being all tropical up in yo grill.  Second, I'm all grumplestiltskin because school starts again next week, and May 14th (the day I graduate) is not very soon yet. Also, I'm annoyed at this season of the Bachelor. Ugh.  I'm also annoyed at all the New Year's "resolutionists" at the gym because they're taking up too much space and they try and get all competitive with me while I'm minding my own biz, jamming out to my tunez (sorry guys....I'll post about this later so you can understand my frustation).

So, here we go. I love fall and fall weather. I love the clothes, everything about it. The Holiday drinks at Starbie's, and the holiday excitement. Then the holidays come and go, and I'm stuck in limbo. It's too cold out to lay by the pool, and there are no fun holiday activities. Also, outdoor running is still slightly uncomfortable. So, I'm anxious/antsy for it to get warmer so I can lay by the pool. Because the saying "it's 5 o'clock somewhere" only sounds delicious when you associate it with a beach/warm place. Am I right?? Basically what I'm trying to say is I'm getting sick of happy hour in a coat, freezing my ass off. I want to drink cold bevs by the pool. Oh, and I'm so pale that I'm afraid people are going to start calling me "Casper"....blech. I'm not one of those people who "embraces my paleness"...wish I could... Baby steps...baby steps..

So, in short, 

1. It needs to be pool weather...which means margaritas by the pool weather...which means AWESOME

2. I need a tan

3. May 14th needs to get here like....NOW

Musique Du Jour:

The artist "Ratatat"....they're pretty friggin' sweet. 

Day Drinking and The Morning After...

Hello Loves, 

Yesterday I decided to re-live college and day drink. I had an amazing time, the weather was perfect, and the beer was flowing freely. We started early, ended late, and 4593845739845739485798 calories and pints later, I found myself in bed, curled up with my satin eye mask, fuzzy bathrobe, with Radiohead playing in the background. I've got hangovers figured out down to a tee, except first I went to brunch with the girls in a chi chi establishment, and I almost yakked on the white tablecloth (and yes, I was still wearing the clothes I had on during day drinking...classy broad I am). The sight of mimosas and bloody mary's made me pale-faced, and I found myself taking deep breaths murmuring "don't yak....don't yak" over and over. So there you have it. My hungover Sunday. woot. 

me at brunch this morning. class class class. 

So this post will be a bit short. But this question has been burning in my mind (not really but kind of) DID ANYONE EVER WATCH FELICITY!?!? Felicity is probs one of my all time favorite shows, hands down. I loved that shit back in the day. Noel? Ben? Meagan? UHHHH-MAZING. And then the show was over and I found myself wailing NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU It can't be!!!! But thank the sweet Lord for DVD sets. Any other Felicity fans out there? Any favorite Felicity moments??? Spill. 

happy times with the Felicity gang. 

Song of the Day

"If I Ever Leave This World Alive"- Flogging Molly

A Man Day

Today, dear bloggies, I had a man day. 

Umm...WTF is a "man day!?".....Here goes. I woke up, had lunch with mom (not manly)..drove to my sidejob (working around all men...so kinda manly) and then met up with two girlfriends to watch the TEXAS LONGHORNS play mothereffing Alabama. We ordered pizza and drank beer (MANLY) and then I cried when we lost. Literally. Like I'm sitting on the couch and my friend turns around and asks "are you ok"....and I couldn't reply because I had a big ass knot in my throat. TOTALLY MANLY. I cried over an effing football game, but like I contained my tears like a man and looked around and made my eyes all big so I wouldn't shed a real tear (SO EFFING MANLY).... And then I fantasized about my future athletic children being part of something so amazing. Don't even get me started on sports...it's silly. And manly. I went to college in the SEC which is truly an amazing division, but I have a grudge against the stupid effing "crimson tide"...ugh. I swear, if I hear "ROLL TIDE" one more time I'm going to yak up my pizza and beer in yo face. Fo realz. Projectile style. MAN style. 

But, I guess it's time you guys meet my boyfriend. I've kept our relationship on the DL because he's really a big deal and we're totes in lurve. I introduce to you, Jordan Shipley. Man of my Dreams. We will shortly be producing football babies. Love him. Be jealous. For him, I broke my cardinal rule of not dating younger men. But look at his fucking arms, and that face....gawwww.

I cropped myself out of this one because I didn't want people to be too jealous. 

jordan + julie = lots of athletic hot babies

I wanna sex you up?!?? And a Floppy New Year to You Too....

I'm keeping yesterday's post because I feel like the Bra Pic hasn't had all it's glory, and I have a raging tummy ache and can't focus. Blahhhh. BUT tomorrow I will be posting some glorious concoctions.....peaceout






Dear Color Me Badd, I was driving to work today and heard you on my pod....

I have a bone to pick. As much as I love your song "I Wanna Sex You Up", I'd like some clarification on some of the lyrics. 

straight up sexy....but not really...at all.

"We can do it till we both wake up"..... aren't you supposed to be awake already? Is this some sort of weird fetish? Pretty sure you need to be awake for the deed....or are you feeding these girls roofie coladas??....in that case, you're weird and creepy....and that's illegal. 

"Makin' love until we drown"..... umm.. I don't really know how to put this, but DROWNING is not something I'd like to experience post-act. What does that even mean??? Drown in what? Or do you drown because you weren't awake to begin with? I'm so confused Color Me Badd, so confused.

So, Color Me Badd (with TWO d's), I'm afraid we'll have to keep this a musical relationship only, because I sure as hell would never be caught dead (or passed out) letting one or all of you "sex me up"....because drowning and sleepsex aren't my style. But I still very much enjoy your song...minus the creepiness. 

lovelovelove, 

Jules. 

Next order of business. The "Floppy New Year" Story. 

So, as we stumbled walked out of the bar we went to on New Year's Eve, we needed to hail a cab back to the hotel. While we were minding our own business on the sidewalk, I looked down and saw THIS LITTLE GEM (pictured below) outside of a bar. 

this is a real live photo taken by moi. That guy had HUGE feet, so I told him to put his foot in to gain some perspective...I know...I'm an artist.

Ummm.... I mean I can't say I've never gotten kinda crazy in a bar. I've removed an occasional shoe, perhaps a coat, a scarf, and one time I tried to ravage an ex bf in the bathroom but he was a pansy and said "we might get caught" (DUH idiot, that's the reason it's fun....). But who leaves a bra in the street? I mean I can understand such an ugly heinous HUGE thing like that can be uncomfortable...but be discrete! Shove it in the trash, or in your purse! I once wore hose to a formal and took them off in the bathroom and disposed of them in the trash, see? Discrete. But this bra is large and in charge. It's in yo face! I didn't touch it, but it was huge, and whatever huge things were previously contained in there, were now elsewhere, flopping around. I don't know about you guys, but I like some support (preferably in the form of La Perla, which if I could afford it, I'd be wearing on.the.reg.), and I sure as hell don't want to start off the New Year with my girls all up in your grill, or someone else's flopping about in my grill. This chick must have been literally off her tits drunk. So, from her to you, dear bloggers, "Floppy New Year". 

The Bachelor is back in full swing. Jake, call me. I'd like to corrupt you because you're so sweet. I secretly don't buy it though. I just don't. 

-Michelle is cray-cray, and don't act like it's not obvious the producers forced Jakester (or paid him more) to keep her crazy ass on the show. 

-Vienna. I mean the name says enough. 

-Tenley....you cried because you kissed him. I'm nervous for you girl. 

-Elizabeth, you're very pretty but your boob area is really weird looking. Botched boob job?

-Rozlyn- get over yourself. 

I could go on, but then I wouldn't have time to talk to you about "Conveyor Belt of Love" which Sarah and I BBMed over the entire time. I couldn't get myself enough of Keiko. Sarah already promised to name her daughter Keiko and I can't freaking wait. This show was amazing. I died several times. Like a small piece of my soul died. It's almost like watching Jersey Shore. Almost. I liked Christian, but the dumb slut kicked him off, what.an.idiot.

she sent THIS home. He's perfect. He's mine. 

Ok, enough excitement. I'll leave you with some ear candy. 

"Sleepless"- The Decemberists

"Fake Plastic Trees" - Radiohead

"Fade Into You" - Mazzy Star

"Missed the Boat" - Modest Mouse

"Cleaning Apartment" - Clint Mansell and Kronos Quartet

"The Trapeze Swinger" - Iron & Wine

"Uniform"- Bloc Party

"No Children" - The Mountain Goats

"So Insane" - Discovery

and lastly........ a special treat.....

Oopsies, I fell off the deep end...

Hello Dears, 

I've been a bad bad blogger I'm afraid. It must be a deep seated commitment issue....or not. I've been busy busy doing a whole lot of random stuff and have been  trying to get organized for 2010! Me and 2010 are going to be best friends I decided, so I had a lot of groundwork to lay. Cleaning and organizing is my stress relief, so I've been doing a whole lot of it! It seems that the next five months are going to be quite tumultuous, but graduation is near in sight, thank the sweet sweet Lord. 

In other news, I'm sick and tired of hearing about the whole Tiger Woods debacle. Honestly. Give the guy some breathing room. He effed up, he's not perfect, another celebrity bites the dust, BFD. Seriously, I feel more for normal couples who get cheated on and don't have a cushy prenup/alimony settlement waiting for them in the bank. At least she doesn't have to worry about where her  next paycheck will be coming in. Is that harsh? Maybe, but I think I'm jaded. Leave Tiger alone and move on!

Next point. I went to Target brimming with anticipation about the new Rodarte line....and I was Rodisappointed. The dresses were not as awesome as they'd been hyped up to be. Decent priceline, but I just wasn't WILD about them. And, of course, they didn't have the leopard print one that I had been dying for. I tried on the dress pictured below (without the cardigan) and it made me look like my boobs were replaced by those of a 98 year old woman...in other words, the dress is NOT built for people with anything over a AA cup size. I loved the pattern, but my boobs looked miz. Sad day. 

My "bubbies" were not looking so hot.

Sorry for the shistey blogging, but I will be back in full force!! Got loads of music coming your way, as well as some pretty amazing tales from the hanger! Stay tuned!

lovelovelove, 

Jules.